Last night in our "big discussion" it was so brilliantly clear to me that the reason we have the attitude issues (my personal favorite... ugh), the arguing (running a close 2nd), and sly disobedience, is because this child does not trust me. In his heart, he has accused me of not having his best interest in mind and of serving myself first and, probably, only. It is because he judges in his heart only with what his eyes can see. He can't see that while yes, I have asked him to do chores, help with messes he didn't make, be loving to the difficult to love, serve others, etc., I am doing that too. He can't see that I have never asked him to do anything that I wouldn't do myself. He can't see that my going to work, home schooling, maintaining the home, driving him all over town for functions, etc. is a constant sacrifice of myself and my wants. He doesn't see that in this home, I am the servant. He can't realize that sometimes I answer him quickly because I have more information than he does, and that he might not be privy to that information... and furthermore, that it is well within my right because of my God-given authority to with hold that information should I see fit. He just doesn't trust me! (Perhaps that is my fault...but that will be for another post).
Enter here, that mirror.... I can't see that God has all the information, has my bests interests at heart, etc. I can't/won't see that because I'm constantly looking at what's in front of me. If I trusted God, I wouldn't need all the information. I could just obey peacefully, because I know He came to serve not to be served. It is just so much easier to trust what is right here, right now.
I'd like to know how to get to the place where I'm at least as good as Peter... where I can walk on water because I've kept my eyes on Him. I want to get to the place where I am secure enough in who He is, that the storms around me aren't evident because I'm basking in his light. If I could simply obey and focus on Him... He is good. He is faithful. He is trustworthy. I want to live like I believe that. I also want to live in a way that my kiddo believes those things are true of me.
Here I am again at the end of another post, and all I can say again is, thank you Lord! Thank you for the 3 wonderful sanctifying mirrors you've given me. Thank you for patiently teaching me about you. Thank you for teaching me to trust you, to know you, to love you. It is all from you. You are good and loving and wonderful! Lord, save me!
Matthew 14:29-30 He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.”