Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Good for my soul...

So, I've promised myself this blog is not going to go by the wayside... BUT, I'll have you know that I worked Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights from 7pm till about 8am every morning...these are supposed to be 12 hour shifts, but nurses can't leave until the job is done, or passed off to the next nurse!  Then, I slept for 2 1/2 hours Monday morning.  After that, I managed to wake up, feed everyone... oh my word, I can't even remember!!! I think we went out to lunch with my bestie and came home for school... Today is only Wednesday.  But, I had to work Tuesday night, the same hours.  Now, today, I did get about 4 hours sleep....only not all at one time!  I had to get up, pick up my son, take him and my God-daughter to our writing tutor, take the girls to the gym, then come home and crash for the rest of my 4 hour nap.... Somehow on Monday and Tuesday I was able to get some homeschooling done, everyone ate all their meals (I think) and they are all still alive!  Me however, I want to die!  I'm exhausted of course.

I have such a mixture of emotions when I'm this tired and sleep deprived.  First off, let me just say I'm very grateful.  I'm so thankful that God has given me a job that pays well enough to support us while only working 2 days!  Whew... I can't imagine adding another night of work into this craziness!  I can't imagine not having any income either!  I am thankful that my husband respects my role as the family manager, and will assist with meal prep if it is already planned, accepts it when I say, "I don't have a plan tonight", and wings it when he needs to.  I am thankful that our strengths and weaknesses compliment each other and we are able to keep afloat during these times of merely surviving.

But then, I'm sad.  I'm sad that I have to leave my kids at night, that we don't enjoy many weekends together, and that our life isn't what I had dreamed....even if it is for only a season.  Next, I feel incredibly angry.  Angry at God, at my husband, my mom, my best friend, the car in front of me... it's silly really.  And of course, the close partner to anger is irritation.  I'm the crankiest girl I know sometimes!  I know it is exhaustion, but it's still an area God has room to improve me!  Until then, the roller coaster ride continues. 

Then, I'm grateful to all of those who love me anyway!  I'm thankful to all of you who will pray for me after reading this! ;)  All this to say that I am continuing this blog, because it is good for my soul.  And, I hope it can be good for yours too.  I did start another post about our Olympic study, but it needs a little work, and I'll be posting it soon!

Until then, let's enjoy the roller coaster ride- laugh, scream, and pray as needed!

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