Lost

I feel lost.. You guys probably all think I'm lost as I haven't posted in quite some time.  It has been a whirlwind of drama, sickness, and emotions here, and I'm quite lost in it all.  I don't even know where to begin. . .

Perhaps we should start with the flu. . . the girls both were diagnosed with Influenza B about 2.5 weeks ago!  They ran HIGH fevers (we got up to 104.8!) for several days before their mean, nurse, Momma decided to take the to the MD.  I convinced him to swab for flu in addition to the non-necessary strep test he did. . . and, 1 point for the mean mom. . .though I wish I had been wrong.  They were down and out of school for over a week. It's a sad thing that when you homeschool, flu, or any illness, is like a reprieve.  We are slooooowly getting back into the swing of things!

There have been some wild changes around here.  First, as a means of preventing burn-out while I deal with the demands of our daily life, we have enrolled Bean Boy in Classical Conversations... If you haven't heard of it, it is a college prep homeschool program.  He goes to "class" once a week, and completes assigned assignments at home the rest of the week.  We went to class to preview for next year.  I ended up leaving him for the day and he had a great time.  His teacher invited him to join this class where it is.  She said some wonderful things about him (my heart skips a beat) including that he fit in to this class well, and was at their level.  Sigh.  WARNING: I'm about to brag about my kid on here, cause I dare not do it in front of him!!! He basically skipped a grade, 2 in math! This Challenge A is approximately on a 7th grade level, and he does the Challenge B math which is pre-algebra.... AND, I've always been so worried about how he would do as far as keeping up with the rigorous amount of work a program like this has, but I've seen something odd in him... something I don't recognize.  I think it is called motivation AND determination!!! It is challenging for him, he's trying to learn to focus, and plan, and get all 6 hours worth of daily work done in 6 hours, and while it is taking him a lot of time, he has not despaired and has kept an amazing attitude.  I'm so proud!  :)

One other BIG change, one that breaks my heart, is that my hospital lost it's trauma certification.  This means no more trauma drama for me.  It does truly break my heart.  I finally found an area of nursing that I enjoyed, and I had previously thought that to be impossible.  We are still an ICU, but we will no longer have trauma ICU patients, just medical surgical.  It's not what I enjoy, and I feel like I have to start all over again learning, but it is what it is.  The hospital is appealing, and we should know by September what our status is.  I'm greatly disappointed   I no longer get excited about going to work, which makes the over time I am working all the more difficult.   I am grateful for the time I had doing it, and am hoping that our status will be renewed in September.

I miss writing on my blog. . . but as you can see, life seems to pull me away.  I do find this very therapeutic, whether there are readers or not.  I hope to get back to posting at least on the weekly wrap-ups, but I'll post as I can.  Life is such an adventure! Being lost is hard, but not the end of the world.  God knows where I am, even if it's not in a great place, He won't lose me!
 

Give Thanks

Somewhere along the way, I realized that "joy" was not a constant in my life.  I realized that, and confessed it to God. I spent a lot of time worrying about what that meant about me and my relationship with Him.  Did it mean I wasn't a good Christian? Did it mean I didn't really love Him?  And, somewhere in the midst of my despair, God whispered that I am ungrateful. That's when we began our gratefulness journals.  I'm still reading, praying, and working on being truly grateful.  I think, maybe it's just me, but I think it will take me a lifetime to understand, fully appreciate, and truly develop an honestly thankful heart.  It is deeper than just a "thank you". It encompasses so much more....it is doubtful I am yet to a point (or ever will be) where I can put it into words....

I would like to try to put into words what God revealed to me yesterday as I was reading.  Gratitude comes out of humility.  Have you ever thought about that?  Gratitude comes out of humility.  To me, that was such a profound thought.  Being grateful means you have to confess that someone else did something to "better" your situation.  Their kindness, gesture, gift, words, or whatever it is that the other person has done for you, brought you from a lower position to a higher one....you have to be humble in order to admit that without that person, you would still be in that lower state.  You couldn't have brought yourself to this "better" position.  

Think about all the little things that mean so much to you... in my journal yesterday, I was thankful that someone other than me filled the soap dispensers in the bathroom (without me asking, yeah!).  Seriously, those dispensers, like toilet paper rolls, never get refilled, unless I do it.  Every time I chose not to, because I'm either busy or rebelling against clean hands (wink, wink), I felt inadequate, like there's not enough of me to do it all.... but someone relieved me of that burden! They did it for me, not knowing how I felt about it... they lifted me up in many ways.  Even the flowers my hubby bought the other day... they put a smile on my face that had not been there before.  Whether the kindness big or small, I've been moved to a higher place.

Of course, it is easy to recognize how God's grace moves us to a higher position.  How when it is lavished upon us, we are brought up to a higher position...one of co-heir with Christ.   When before, I was filthy rags... Gratitude starts with admitting, "I am nothing without you God". I am nothing, have nothing, and will be nothing without His constantly giving me gifts to bring me to a higher position...the greatest of these gifts is grace and faith. 

It is funny how I have never considered this before.  Perhaps those of us (uh... I mean you) with pride issues, have a harder time with gratitude than others, because of the state of humility that is required. 

***Interject that I started this post over a month ago and let it sit for lack of words.... NOW, I am so grateful for so much more in my life.  Developing the habit of thankfulness by keeping our thankful journals has been an extraordinary blessing.  My husband says he notices a difference in me and the kids.  That's a wonderful byproduct.  Things he noticed: our prayers even just at dinner, are more expressive of thanks, day to day activities seem to contain more gratitude, and grumbling and "defeatist" attitudes are lessening in all of us.  He was even inspired to start his own journal.  He said that his heart is redirected towards good things as he is forced to look for the good in order to record it and it stops the "drama" surrounding the negative things.

I've noticed a lot of people recording daily something they are thankful for.  That's a wonderful start.  I say challenge yourself to continue that past November. Challenge yourself to never repeat, and to come up with five things daily.  Challenge your kids.  Some days are truly harder than others.  Some days, you won't feel thankful; do it anyway.  I have had several days like this, and by the end of my grumbling, writing it out, and sharing it with my kids, I'm usually fixed!

We have so much to be thankful for...so much that we simply take for granted.  So many little details that God lovingly pours over and generously gives to us are often overlooked by us.  I am truly humbled that the God of the universe, God Most High, loves me, works for me, serves me, lavishes grace upon me, and cares about the little details and the big ones in my life.  I am thankful that He is ever-present, constantly loving me,  that I can see that in my day to day life, and that I have chosen to record it, share it with others, and thank my loving Father for it all!

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever.  1 Chronicles 16:34

*In this Wrap-up I posted a sample of our journals....I'll be posting more in the future as I roll out a project we've been working on.

Weekly Wrap-Up: Surpassing Survival!

Survival at Its Finest...
Well, we've survived again!  I'm just so glad that I've decided this year is a survival year, cause then, when we have great weeks like this one, I can say I've surpassed my goals!

Monday I "survived" on 1.5 hours of sleep!  Actually I thrived.  I managed to leave work almost 2 hours late, run some errands, get home, nap (hence the 1.5 hours), run another (unsuccessful errand) and get our free JCP haircuts.  Well, mine wasn't free, but the 3 chilies were!  Hubby showed up and got his cut too!  Who new haircuts could be a family affair!?  Then, I planned, organized, put together all the amazing things for our "Back to School/Not Back to School" party!!! Whew... it was 2300 before I made it to bed! By Wednesday I was dragging!

Back to School/Not Back to School Party
So.... I guess you're wondering about our "Back to School/Not Back to School" party.  I started feeling guilty reading all these blogs with people who have great back to school traditions. We have just always started... no fun, no traditions, no frills or lace.  So, I thought I'd do something fun for a change! Well, my God-daughter and niece both go to school and one of our homeschooling friends follows the county schedule too.  And we, as you know, have been schooling since June... so it's a back to school/not back to school party.

At our party, I set up stations.  At one station, each child had their foot outline drawn, weighed themself, cut yarn to match their height, and put all of that on a piece of construction paper.  Another station had different "About Me Printables" and suggestions to add to them.  And, at the last station, each child painted their hand print onto a piece of construction paper.  Next year they can pull all of these things out and compare how much they've grown.

We had pizza, this amazingly cool cake I made (though it wasn't as pretty as the picture) and we debuted the first "First Coast Kids News" video! I had mentioned that I might post that here, but the kids' first and last names are in the video, and I'm just not comfortable with that. So, you'll have to believe me when I say it was so amazing!  It was phenomenal, and while I was ready for it to be over with, I am motivated to engage in another project, and I think the kids are too!  WOW!!!
















School
Well, aside from the party- Hey, public school has party days too!!!  Aside from our party day, we did very minimal school.  This is our last week with Crazy K before she goes back to PS.  We did have Grommy tutor this week, Bean Boy is doing great with LOF and has kept up with it, we had one science lesson, and I didn't really work with the girls much.  The kids did learn about opposable thumbs, and walked around for about 10 minutes with their thumbs taped to their hands!  They hated it!  So, I'm sure that will be added to the list of things they are thankful for!!! We didn't necessarily do "Bible" but we have sung our hymns and Bible verses...we even sang our verses while we were preparing for our party!

I'm starting to fizzle out, and will need a break soon I think! I looked at the calendar and figured out we've done 8 weeks of school already!  We started, did 2 weeks, then took 2 weeks off...one for VBS, and the other to recover from VBS! We've done light schooling for sure, but have had a great summer.  I think I'll be taking a week or two in the near future, to clean out my school room, work a few extra hours to pay for some things, and to just have a break.  I never take off long because the kids drive me crazy when they don't have scheduled activities! 

Other Miscellaneous
We had hair cuts, eye doctor appointments, movies again, and gymnastics, and gymnastics!  Gymnastics already takes up so much of our lives, and there is more to come I'm sure.... Crazy K, Little Bit and I will be at Yes You Canvas again Friday, and if I have time, I'll post pics...they are doing koala bears this time.


Crazy K
Crazy K has had a tough life.  Things are really looking up for her.  I can really tell a difference this summer compared to previous summers.  Her mom swears she's moody and frustrating....hey Bean Boy is 3 weeks younger and I want to strangle him more often than not... but this year, I've enjoyed K more than any other!  She gave her life to the Lord last school year, and I can really tell the Holy Spirit has calmed her heart.  She has been a major blessing to me and our family, and I am truly sad to have her going back to school!  And, not just because she won't be here to make lunch anymore! LOL! She's added so much to my life!  I am excited that she said she'd continue with her Thankfulness Journal and will email them to me...and I promised to email her our singing verses! I'm so proud of her, and am sure God has big plans for her.  How blessed am I to get to watch her journey!  I'm adding that to the list!!!

Work
Well, I'll be working 3 in a row this weekend and next weekend.  That is including an actual overtime shift.  Hopefully that will help pay for the dog's tooth extraction (probably 3 he goes in on Friday morning) the eye doctor, glasses, and contacts for me and Bean Boy, and groceries!  So, you probably won't hear from me until Tuesday when I link up with Time-Warp Wife.  I'm working on another piece on gratitude... maybe it will be done by then!

Have a great weekend!!!


Wrapping up the week with Kris again!

Spilled Praise

At the suggestion of a friend, I listened to an incredible sermon by John Piper.   It was a sermon based on Psalm 145:4.  You can read it or listen to it here.  The verse is a simple command; One generation shall proclaim your works to another and declare your mighty acts.  Piper does an excellent job of explaining our responsibility as the "one generation".  He then delves into how we need to be infatuated with the Kingdom of God in order to be effective.  In other words, we aren't just teaching our children history, or even just HisStory. We are to model a burning, ravenous, all-consuming love for the Kingdom of God.  Our hearts should be so filled with the treasure of God himself, that it overflows out through our mouths (Luke 6:45). 

Piper had an amazing phrase that made my heart quicken... Spill over in praise to the next generation.... Words that God has had on my heart for some time (just not worded as well as Piper did!)! It goes hand in hand with the Deuteronomy mandate... I've been purposefully looking for ways to share with the kids God's goodness, specifically His goodness to me and our family. Ways to make God "real" and personal, not just a list of stories and facts...

Just this morning I was telling God how my head is usually swimming with thoughts....This is what I wrote in my prayer journal this morning:

Oh how slow I am to learn Lord!  I feel as if I have one of those brains that can't think beyond what is in front of me, which often means I'm not thinking about you!  How many opportunities have I missed to thank you, praise you, talk to you, ask you for help, meditate on your Word, (share you with others-namely my kids), etc.?  But Lord, how can I change this, especially so that my kids can see my good example more than my bad!  How can I "think" about you more so that my love for you flows out of the over-abundance of my heart and others may see it? Teach me.  Guide me.  Show me and help me! My head swims with thoughts of what needs to be done at home, in school, and work...the how to's and what to's and need to's of my life.  But, I want it to be swimming with the things you have told me, how great you are, and what is lovely, pure, and noble, etc....

I admit, I'm not as infatuated as I could/should be and that my other thoughts so often push thoughts of Him out. It is an area He and I have been working on.  So, with God's help, I will continue on my journey of thankfulness.  I'll continue to put good, namely God's Word, into my heart so that it becomes the treasure of my heart, and from the abundance of my heart, my mouth will speak.  (Luke 6:45).  I will rely on the Holy Spirit to continually renew my mind, to shift my focus, and to guide my heart.  I will continue to be purposefully looking for opportunities to share what He personally means to me, has done for me, has given me, and spoken to me, and loved me, and been good to me, and faithful to me, and how is is just absolutely wonderful and worth more than all I could ever give with my babies, and others.  I will do this as often as I can remember, and pray that God will continue to remind me more and more often.  I want my kids to see my love for Him and have no doubt that He is worth it!

 

Thankfulness Journey

Give thanks in all circumstances, 

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

It is fitting that I was distracted when starting my thankfulness list. I wrote at the top of my page "Thankfulness Journey" instead of Thankfulness Journal, which was my original intent. However, I like the idea of this project being a "journey." The idea certainly was not original, just something I've "heard of" several people doing. But, it was an idea borne out of frustration with the constant, "Can we go/have/dos" and the "We never gets...." and the "But I don't haves..." that I feel like I'm constantly hearing. It seems like we leave one fun activity that was super fantastic, and they're already asking what's next, instead of lingering over how great that activity was. The "thank yous" are far and few between, without reminders, and I'm frustrated.

But then...perhaps I haven't been the best example. I've been feeling incredibly discontent with things in my life. While I do treasure the little things, and am grateful for them, and rarely forget my own manners, I have had a discontent spirit. My furniture is falling apart now, after many years of being used as a vault and mat, my floors still are not finished, my kitchen looks like a picture of something from the Brady Bunch, and we are struggling to put groceries on the table. What I tend to forget, is that God literally provided all our furniture, and we didn't pay a dime for it! I forget to be grateful that Hubby the Hero mops all my floors (and he's doing it now). I also forget that some of our most amazing memories come from that antiquated kitchen!

Not only have I struggled with discontentment in my "home" but also with the people in my life. Sure, they are all sinners and will let me down (and that is true of myself of course) but they are also blessings! My discontentment has spread to relationships! I shudder to think how dangerous this is! My dissatisfaction with my kids, my husband, and myself have led to dissatisfaction with my God. It is viral! It spreads like fire in a windstorm! And, it is so dangerous. And, I'm sorry! I'm sorry to my family and friends who have had to deal with my sour attitude. And, I'm sorry to God for allowing it to grow inside of me and affect my relationship with Him!

SO- the cure for this nasty virus.... I will be intentional and purposefully thankful. As I've told the kids, each day it gets harder to make that list, we need to be keeping our eyes open for opportunities to be thankful. What nice things have people done for us? What are things we don't like/enjoy and what about them can we be thankful for? For example I don't like washing dishes, but sure am thankful to have food! What can we learn about God from this? I've started two projects to help me be intentional. The first is, as you have already seen here, the list the kids and I are making together during our Bible study time. We will continue to daily list 5 things we are thankful for without repeating. If we list a person, it has to be followed by something specific that they have done to make us thankful. It is making it so that we have to pay attention during the day. The second project is to help remedy the dissatisfaction I have felt in my relationship with my husband. He truly is a guy most other wives would want! Other husbands should take notes.... but I've taken that for granted, and I want to remedy that. So, without saying more, just know that I'm working on that, and I will eventually share some details.

I'd love to know if you are interested in joining me in this journey. I'll email you the details of the project for Hubby if you like, and will probably "advertise" heavily about it when I'm done, but would love to have you join me on any part of this thankfulness journey.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of Jesus, 
giving thanks to God the Father through Him.  
Colossians 3:17

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good;
His love endures forever.
Psalm 118:1

I'm linking up here: