Weekly Wrap-Up: Trauma

• In my life this week…The big news this week is that I finally started my new job.  I applied in May, but our hospital has been expanding and I had to wait until the new additions were complete...then I had to wait to train someone new on my old floor before I moved to my new floor.  I actually had a good time training someone, really liked the person, and am now training under someone I really like...8 weeks of not having my own patients... think there will be trouble when I'm on my own again?  ;) It's a big, scary step for me, but something I've wanted to do for a long time.  I'm around people I really like, and who can teach me a lot.  Hopefully the "trauma drama" won't be too much for my emotions.  And above all, hopefully, I'll learn quickly all the new things I have to learn!
• In our homeschool this week… I'm not sure how I've done it, but since we've started back to school, we've managed to stay on schedule!  It's amazing, and I'm so thankful for all the help I've had from my husband and MIL.  I know without them my precious schedule would have long been long forgotten.  The girls were sick this week, so I did bump their schedule, but with K and 1st, I feel like I can be a lot more flexible.  They had 2 sick days... Mom had 2 "get it together" days!
• I am inspired by… There are certain people I know at work (and outside of) that are just incredibly intelligent nurses. They can answer almost any question I have, think quickly, and have amazing critical thinking skills.  I wish I could be like that, but my brain is not a sponge...more like a colander! LOL!
• My favorite thing this week was…  This is silly, but it was a much needed confirmation.... at work one of the respiratory therapists couldn't "place" me.  He knew he knew me, but couldn't figure out where from.  Of course, I told him I transferred, and he figured it out.  He made several comments about how bad it has been on my old floor lately (yeah, I know!).  This really made me think about how glad I was to be moving to a smaller unit with a really tight team.  But the kicker, and quite honestly boost to my confidence, was when I said to the other therapist, "I think I'll be ok down here"....he turned around and said, "Oh yeah, I always thought you would be good down here!"  Ya'll... I really needed to hear that!
• What’s working/not working for us…  Just a note to say that my goal of making Bible study the most important thing, is being carried out...and that my kids are really enjoying Stick Figuring Through the Bible (Esther) and want to continue with this Bible study.  Amazingly, they love our hymn study and Scripture memory as well! I'm so encouraged.
• Things I’m working on… The pinterest bug has hit me... about once a year I start feeling crafty and here it is.  I have accomplished a few things I've already shared, and am now working on a few more.  Today my mom and I are getting together for a crafting day.  Hopefully I'll have some pictures of things I can post.  I have a list....wonder how far down I'll make it!

For those of you who are working and homeschooling:  I've truly been amazed at how God has given me the opportunity to prove that He can do all things through me!  My husband always says that sounds "cliche`" but, truly, how else would you explain working 30-50 hours/week and still staying on your schedule?  How else can you explain this being the first year ever to keep up with your schedule and grades in an organized way (thank you soooo much Scholaric!)? How else do you explain the house only being a partial mess, and the kids being fed daily (mostly 6 times/day), and the animals all being alive??? Seriously, to say that it was me would be a lie.  I average 4-6 hours a sleep daily, some days more, some days less, and am barely functioning on any given day... but God is helping me by sending me others, giving me resolve I've not experienced before, and a loving husband who is constantly encouraging me!  I certainly am not the most creative, organized, supermom out there...but I am the most blessed mom in the world!  Even though things aren't the way I imagined them, you know, bon-bons and soap operas (hehe), they are far better....flour fights, crafts, gymnastics, Uno on Sunday mornings...bon-bon eating moms, eat your heart out!

Weekly Wrap Up: Keeping it Real

Well, I didn't meet my goal of at least 2 posts a week, but in my defense, I've been really sick!  As a nurse and mom, I don't do sick very well...though, I must be getting better at it because I got a ton of stuff done!  I did spend much of the day in bed on Tuesday which is the day I'd usually try to write my 2nd post, or 1st, however you want to look at it.

So, this week was our last of our short 2 week break.  :(  Seriously, unschooling sounds like so much fun!  We still had a lesson in saponification!  My mom and her friends came over, gave us a chemistry lesson and we made soap.  We learned about the exothermic reaction the lye makes when placed in water, and that saponification (soap making...and a really cool "big word") started around 2500 BC....I'm curious to know what they did before then?  We made glycerin soaps in the shape of skulls and crossbones and some lye soaps with different scents. I cannot decide on a favorite, honeysuckle, oatmeal and honey, special edition vanilla (different from your usual vanilla) are all at the top of my list, but we made a few more too.  Apparently I have to turn them every day for a couple of weeks, but that side of my kitchen smells really good.  My mom is so excited and wants to start a business with me!  I guess we'll see what happens. Hubby is on board.... I'm growing time on trees, instead of money of course!

This week we also saw my grandparents (2 sets) for lunch, had Hubby away overnight for his internship, had a "kid swap" with a friend so each mom could have time alone, made a trip to the "big library," and accomplished massive amounts of planning and plodding- nay, trudging through cleaning out the school room!  UGH... will it ever be done!?  Today I believe it will... if I finish, I'll add pictures in this post.

I also did one other thing... my mom actually yelled at me saying, "You know, the rest of us just pin stuff on pinterest and let it sit there.  You're making us look bad by doing the things you pin!!!" *Giggle!  That made me feel good...when do I ever get to do things special and extra? This week was full of them!  For the girls, I made "lampshades" out of plastic punch cups by covering them with material I bought at WM.  I then put slits in the bottom, and stuck lights through them.  I hung up one set on their bed, and have to find a place to hang the other set...I think they look pretty good.  

Yes, I snuck in while they were sleeping to take this pic!

Pretty cool, huh?!

My week at home ended with making chocolate chip cookies and going to Moms to use her cricket to complete our new chore chart....let's just say, I'm not a fan of gluing! This morning (Friday) I will finish up the planning and cleaning of the school room.... UGH!  Then, begins my 4 in a row!  Double UGH!!!  But, as the kind lady at the dollar store pointed out, only 6 more paychecks till Christmas!  :)


WARNING! WARNING!  This is where it gets real. IF you want to continue to think I'm the neatest person ever (snicker, snicker), stop reading HERE!

So, as I was eating breakfast, one in which I had to trick the children into thinking they had enough by making silver dollar pancakes because we didn't have enough bisquick, I realized just how awesome I made myself sound in this post... Ha!  That's funny!  I remembered the reason I started this blog wasn't to make myself look good, but to be real!  So, while yes, we did some really cool stuff this week, here is where I failed... I didn't make one homemade dinner! Or lunch! Today was the first breakfast I made all week! This after singing praises about different things I use to help in this area (here)! My school room still looks like it is under construction.  While I started planning and made good progress, I don't have much hope I'll actually finish.  My living room is and has been a disaster since, well, I don't know when.  Below is a picture of my work table in the living room....mind you, this is after most of the planning has been completed and it is about 2/3 smaller than it was before I thought to take a picture...  It had been my goal to get this area cleaned up too, but I'm not extremely hopeful for that either.  I have yelled at my children.  I did not take a shower yesterday.  I am truly real.  I told Hubby, I can do neat/fun things with kids, school, and maintain some order (though not sure where it is) OR fix meals... I can't seem to do both.  I have just decided I want our family relationships to come first.  I never want my kids to feel like a clean house was more important that them.... they should definitely think that!  Please join in my excitement with the fun we've had this week, be encouraged that all the bloggers out there are "real" people and we can't see the whole picture of their lives.  Be encouraged to spend every minute you can building relationships with your chilies and leading them to the Lord, whether it be through meals, cleaning, school, fun projects, or even, saponification! 

See! I'm real, with real messes that last for weeks and weeks...can't remember when I last saw that little table!

I am, as always, eternally grateful for the wonderful times, the mess, and the awesome family God gave me to share all this with!

I hope you all enjoy your weekend!  Blessings!

OK....It's done!!! Woohooo wooohooo!!! See why it is such an accomplishment here.

AND, while I didn't get to clean up my area in the living room, Little Bit straightened it somewhat! Sweet girl!

Linking up with Kris!  Run over to her site and check out this awesome giveaway!
 




And linking with:

Let's Talk About Food

Okay... so we all love to eat.  We all need to eat.  But for me, food is truly a love-hate relationship.  When I first got married, I loved to cook.  It was fun to surprise my hubby with new meals every night.  Of course, he stayed toothpick thin while I packed on the pounds!  No fair!  As the children came along, the new meals every night became more of a chore, and we now have a few select favorites.  Then you get bored with your favorites.... as life gets busy, it is just easier to grab something fast or go out to eat... also a love hate relationship.  While I love eating out, it is harder to make good choices, and of course, more expensive.

Over the years, I've made grocery list after grocery list. I've scourged the internet for more and more simple recipes.  I've tried really hard to make a plan, stick to it, waste less, eat out less, and provide healthy meals for my family.  I've also tried losing the weight gained in the first year of marriage and with each pregnancy.

In the last year, I've lost 50 pounds, and have kept it off.  While I did begin my loss with a juice fast brought on by watching Sick, Fat, and Nearly Dead, I've had help from a few other sources.  First, Skinny Taste has countless low calorie, healthy recipes that are now on our new favorites list.  Never have I tried one of Gina's recipes and been disappointed! They're wonderfully delicious.... and she uses a lot of cilantro, which we love. (If I believed in reincarnation, I'm sure I was Mexican before this life!)

The second tool that has helped as far as my weight loss has been Myfitnesspal.  It is a great site and has an ap for your phone where you can log your food.  Logging food has proven to be a major factor in successful weight loss. Myfitnesspal has a ton of foods already in their list.  I can put in hummus from 2 or 3 different brands, and they will already be there with nutritional info ready.  I select the one I want and add it to my list.  I can plug in my own recipes and it will give me nutritional info for that, or I can add a new food to the list by plugging in the nutritional info on the label.  The ap is handy when you are out to eat and want to know how many calories in a specific restaurant's dish.  It lets you know how many calories you have left to eat. Oh- and you can track your exercise and how many calories you've burned from that!  I love it... now if I could just get back to using it, and losing again!  I did lose weight when I was faithful with logging my foods! You can also have friends and leave them encouraging messages! It's great! By the way, this site is completely FREE!!!

Lastly, on the grocery shopping side of the food dilemma...  Being as I don't experience weekends the way most of you do, finding time to make a list and shop is very challenging.  Last week we ate out a ton because I hadn't shopped (big shopping) for 2 weeks(almost 3 now)!  Thank God for freezers and fast food!  One day, in desperation, I came across SayMmm.  I was floored that someone had created this and was sharing it for FREE! Woohoo!  SO, with SayMmm you can plan your meals.  Most of the meals I've used from Skinny Taste are already loaded into the database, so I can simply link the meal to my calendar.  Then, all the ingredients go directly to my shopping list.  Spices, and things you normally have on hand go in the "check pantry" section and you can simply click to add them to your list if you are running low and need to replace them.  I can also add my own recipes.  It does take a minute or to add the recipe and all the ingredients, but you only have to do it once.  There is also a database of recipes you can use; you can search by ingredient or title, or browse for fun.  You "click" the recipe to add it to your plan.  Once your weekly plan is on your nice calendar, you can view the entire calendar, one day, one month, or one week at a time.  Then you "create list".  SayMmm takes all your ingredients for all your recipes in that time frame you set, and creates you a list!!!!  You can choose to arrange it by recipe or by store sections, for example: dairy, produce, frozen, etc.  There are some "premium" options I have not used, but I believe they will estimate your cost and calories!  Fantastic.  Oh, and did I mention that all but the premium options are FREE!!!

I try to make my list when I'm at work and give it to hubby to shop for me.  Then, he can go to the website and find out what's for dinner, print the recipe and have it ready before I go to work!  Yippee!!! Easy, FREE, and wonderfully helpful. 

The last thing I do to help with our crazy schedule, is organize a casserole swap.  Every 6 weeks or so, my FB homeschooling group gets an invite to participate in the casserole swap.  I've just sent out the invite to our 3rd event.  About 6-7 people have been signing up, which is just right.  So, you make 6-7 of the same casserole and then exchange them on one evening.  It works out great.  Every Tuesday, I pull one out of the freezer and stick it in the oven before we leave for gymnastics... Hubby gets home a little later and pulls it out when it is done.  And...tada! Dinner is served, just add salad!

Maybe some of these things will be helpful to you!  Happy meal planning!!!

Linking up with Darlene

School Room- The Ugly Truth!

Ok... so this blog is named The Mess Exposed, as a reminder to be truthful about the struggles and imperfections of homeschooling and not present a perfect front others can't live up to... and right now, I'm soooo wishing it weren't. I committed myself to participating in the iHomeschool network blog hop that is hopping weekly around different topics. Unfortunately, this week's topic is your school room. So, with red cheeks, I present to you the pictures of my school room...

UGH! It has so much potential, but it seems to look like this more often than not! My daughter's gymnastic mat somehow gets stored in here, the desk has become the "catch all," the kids apparently don't know how to put books away, or won't. Even though there are 2 garbage cans in here, there is garbage all over the floor! SO, most of the time I keep the door closed, and make the kids come back here for stuff, because I get sooo frustrated. There are 3 of them and 1 of me... A couple of years ago, we all drove to IKEA and got this great bookshelf. I came up with a great way to help my most unorganized child stay organized. I had a ton of letter trays, and fit them into the squares of the shelves. Each tray is to hold its own subject, and you don't even have to use the same tray each time. Just put it back into a clean, empty slot.  Somehow, even that is too much for him.  I tell him to put his school books away and come back here to find them on the floor, desk, or shoved in square of the shelf that doesn't have the letter trays... sigh...

About 5-6 times a year, I really clean it out and we use it and keep it clean for a couple of weeks...then someone comes over and everyone puts stuff in...you know, the stuff you're not sure where it should go. Then it starts getting to the point where I don't have enough time to get it, and the cycle starts over.  It takes me an entire day to get it clean, and if you've been following my blog at all, you know I don't have many of those.  But, now, I will try to work on it this week, so I can post a picture of it all clean!  When it is clean, I love it, and I love doing some of our school in there. I've got a corner desk outside of the corner, that way the kids and I can sit across from each other, all my supplies are right there and we don't have to wait or run all over to look at them, and I'm one of those nerdy people who love school supplies, school rooms, and school (elementary) all together....

If I'm able to get it back in shape, I'll post pictures of how it is supposed to look!  Hopefully you guys are having better luck with your school rooms!


This was so popular at ihomeschoolnetwork, that I thought I'd share here too...

Weekly Wrap-up

Well, we've survived another week! (That's good since we are in survival mode.) It was an unusual week being as I had to work in the middle of it!  I worked Wednesday and Thursday from 7p-7a (ish).  Hubby came home early Wed and took off Thursday to be available to take kids to gymnastics and the summer movie and to make sure they don't burn down the house!  It was still a pretty productive week though!

Accomplishments!!!!
We finally, finally finished our Olympic lapbooks! I'm not sure what we did wrong, but all of us have decided we hate lapbooks! LOL!  Crazy K said it best, it's so messy, and unorganized, and it takes forever!  I think if I were to do it over, I would do it differently.

Because each of them cut at different rates, we've been just cutting, cutting, cutting... I saved all the gluing for the final day, which turned out to be a mess.  IF, and that's a big IF, we do it again, we'll make the actual book first, then cut and glue after each lesson (or during).  Perhaps that would help.  We've done lapbooks before, but this was the first time we've had all 4 kiddos doing them.  They turned out pretty good, but we're all glad they're over! 

In addition to that accomplishment, my wonderful Hubby hung the monkey pictures for me!  I was surprised to come home to them hanging in the bathroom!  Yeah!

In School
School did happen this week, though it was a short week, with light days.  Bean Boy finished his fractions book from Life of Fred last week, and has started on decimals this week.  He finished the fractions book in about 2 months!  He is still loving it!

Grommy came and worked with the kids again this week.  She and the kids said she worked them pretty hard!  Yeah Grommy!!!  We will be filming our news production this weekend and rehearsing on Friday, so hopefully we can get that out of the way.  I will try to post that, though I've not had much luck posting videos... here's another opportunity to practice, right?

Miscellaneous
This weekend my cousin is getting married!  It will be exciting.  My husband and I eloped 12.5 years ago, and had an extremely small wedding the next day.  (That's a funny story....for another time!) I haven't been to a wedding since we first got married!  Makes my thoughts linger to the time when things were new and exciting and we had the whole world at our feet.... and it makes me glad to be here, where we are friends as well as lovers, where we trust each other more and love each other more; where we've learned that even when we don't "feel it" we can "love" each other in an active way... the way God tells us to.  I'm so glad that we've come through hard times, rejoiced in good times, watched God provide during the worst times, and still are committed to one another.  Every day in our lives with each other and God as the Captain has been a wild adventure! 

Check out Kris at

 

Feeling Inadequate

This weekend proved to be a doozy!  I ended up calling in sick for the first time in over a year!  It started out as one of those bugs you think you can push through and work through it... but ended up being a, "honey come rescue me off the bathroom floor," nightmare!  Thankfully, it seems like it was just a 24 hour bug!  I'm getting back to normal...

I know many of you are getting ready to start your school year, or have even just started.  I thought I'd share something I wrote several years ago.  I wrote this during the time that we were having our son tested and diagnosed with ADD/Gifted... I actually gave this at a talk for a small group.  I re-read it tonight, and thought some of you might find it encouraging.

Feeling Inadequate

When I was asked to speak here, I said, "sure," willingly, thinking no big deal this should be easy.  Then we started having some struggles with our oldest, and I became EXTREMELY discouraged.  I thought, Lord, I am not the right person to do this talk… right now I have nothing encouraging to say… Well, you know how God is! He worked in me through those struggles, and well, now to encourage you, I am going to talk about… being inadequate!  

Pretty much that’s what I find encouraging these days…the fact that I AM inadequate.  Well meaning loving friends tell me that I am quite adequate or FINE, but we all know we really aren’t.  Now that I have you all squirming in your seats about my backwards view of encouraging, I’d like you to take a moment to really ponder where you struggle the most with not feeling good enough.  Is it with cleaning your home? Being a mom? A wife?  Teaching your children? Anything else?  Really think about it.

LET’S PRAY 

Lord, please show us where we really don’t measure up.  Help us to be honest with ourselves about where we aren’t good enough.  Lord, please help us to place our confidence in you.  May you personally show each of these women where you fill in the gaps in their inability to measure up. And Lord, even though it may seem backwards, I pray that you’ll use each lady’s inadequacy to encourage them, and to help them have hope in You, and to glorify You!  We love you Lord, Amen.

Ok…so, that oldest child of mine that I alluded to…well, he’s been challenging since he could speak!  Strong willed, defiant, needing constant attention, talking without ceasing, know it all… Oh my!  He’s in 4^th grade now, and still not really able to do independent work…so, we had him tested, and it turns out…he really does know it all!  He’s gifted and ADD-fortunately, not the hyperactive type.  So- the entire week prior to and after the diagnosis I kept thinking…God why would you give me a kid who is smarter than me??? I can’t raise this kid! I can’t teach this kid!  While at this point, I may have more knowledge, I certainly won’t for long…not at the rate he reads! I can’t do this, I’m not ready, I don’t know how, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!!!  I walked around for about a week and a half ready to give up the fight for my kid’s soul, thinking there is nothing I can do, because I’m not enough!

God really showed me how discouragement, and feeling inadequate, are a good beginning… God knows me.  He knows Bean Boy.  He knows what He’s given me and how He made me.  AND, despite how I feel, Bean Boy did not get switched at birth, nor did God make a mistake! So now what? Prayer!  And, relying on God’s promises.  I’m not sure which came first, but along the way God reminded me several things.  First, He said, “Kristy I know you; for I have created your inmost being, I knitted you together in your mother’s womb.”  In that same chapter (Psalm 139) He declares that He knows when I sit down and rise up, He discerns my thoughts from afar and before I utter a word, He knows it!  This isn’t a God who knows me from afar.  He knows me intimately…and He knows where I am in my walk with Him, and just how I need to be challenged, strengthened, stretched, and loved.  

I’ve learned over the years to pray about everything.  I mean EVERYTHING.  I guess I’m actually still learning…but God cares about the little things, so I talk to Him about them.  I’ve prayed about everything from schedules, to naps, to lunch, to patience, strength, faith, and the hearts of my children.  God has given me insight on the small things.  He says in His Word for me to cast all my anxieties on Him, because He cares for me.  I’ve heard many of you talk, and aren’t those the things that make us anxious?  Shouldn’t we pray about them too?  

A couple of years ago, we had a huge medieval feast for my son.  I spent months gathering decorations, sewing costumes, planning a traditional medieval meal, researching how to roast a hog, and even practicing with many chickens!  I bought shields (cardboard ones) and spray painted them gold.  I had asked a friend to paint the virtues we were learning on them, and said that just plain black was fine.  Well, I had the table set with real silver candle holders, real silver goblets, and as much gaudy silver and gold as I could find.  We had a throne for King Jesus, and I had decorated it with a red table cloth…it looked like a red backed throne!  When the shields arrived, I was amazed.  Theresa said that no paint would stick.  She tried several different kinds.  The only thing that would stick on my gold shields was silver glitter paint…it proclaimed valor, humility, teachable, honorable, etc. were our virtues!  And, on the shield that would sit on the throne…red glitter paint saying King of Kings!  Now- I know that in the scheme of things, all of that isn’t important.  I certainly did NOT pray about the letters and their colors…I was busy praying the hog would turn out edible, and that Baby T would behave (she was very sick that day). But I honestly did think about it quite a bit…that black really wasn’t going to look great… BUT- God KNEW!  HE KNEW!!! It was very important to me to have it all beautiful and magnificent and even matching.  I felt so loved, and was convinced that He cared about the little things!!! He discerns my thoughts from afar and before I utter a word, He knows it!  What kind of God is this?  What kind of love is this?  Not even my husband cared about the letters!!! Now I have more boldness in asking for even the little things.  Mentally make a list of what they are, and test Him…see if those things that seem little but are important to you, aren’t important to Him as well. God calls us His friends, and the little things are a HUGE part of our friendship with God…

The next thing I’ve learned through being inferior; is that it’s ok, because in my weakness He has been made strong.  There are just times when I can’t. I don’t have the words, the strength, or the wisdom.  I grapple with these feelings of inadequacy the most when I think about my children’s hearts and souls.  Oh how I long to be the mom with the right attitude, words, touches, and perfect sentiments all given at the perfect time… But, I’m not.  I’ve come to realize though, that even if I were the BEST mom out there, it still wouldn’t be enough!  My kids need the Holy Spirit working in them and working in me, more than they need me to be perfectly capable of handling everything.  There was this one time when I thought Bean Boy might be cheating on a spelling test…he just kept looking down and I thought that was weird.  When I questioned him saying, “What are you doing,” he said nothing, and we went on with the test.  I didn’t notice it again.  All tests were done in the same spiral notebook so I wouldn’t lose them… When the next week rolled around, and I had him go do a practice test, he came to me crying.  When he began to tell me why, I could feel my anger rising up, and began to pray (very unlike me by the way).  He confessed that he had indeed cheated on his last spelling test because he had never gotten all of them right and he really wanted to.  Somehow, the Holy Spirit overrode my fleshly desire to pummel him, and turned this into a moment neither one of us would forget.  I was able to say that he was forgiven.  I tore that spelling test out, which had been a reminder to him of his sin.  Then, I threw it away, and told him how when we confess our sins, they become like this paper and are thrown away and forgotten! 

-

Ladies…I must reiterate that I did NOT plan that ahead or come up with it on my own.  My short little prayer of “Lord, what do I do, help me not to kill him…” was enough for the Holy Spirit to take over in my weakness.  

I want to take this opportunity to say we aren’t perfect.  We aren’t all going to be like that person in our mind…you know the homeschool mom whose house is always picked up, kids are perfect, has a great husband, has all the fun during school…I think we all secretly have someone specific we are thinking of right now!  I have 2 and one of them is here tonight!!!  It’s ok if you’re not like that mom!  In fact, there’s no room for improvement when we are already perfect or perfectly competent… we are supposed to be in the process of sanctification- we are being made to shine, not already “shiny”!  There will be challenges this year in school.  Everything will not go according to plan.  Our kids, our husbands, our friends, and ourselves, will all let us down!  But God won’t.  Take time to pray. Pray about the BIG things. Pray about the SMALL things.  Trust Him.  He knows you. He loves you. He wants what is best for you.  Allow yourself to be weak so you can rely on Him more.  

One last thing… God is faithful.  Did you hear me?  HE IS FAITHFUL, and hope does not disappoint. There is a cycle of suffering here. We suffer in feeling inadequate…it is a painful feeling.  But, as we learn to pray and look to God, we learn He is faithful. We learn He is trustworthy, and we have a little more faith for the next time!  Record God’s faithfulness in your life, and look at the record or put special markings…Romans 5:4-5 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. 

My feelings of inadequacy could really keep me down.  They are discouraging!  Until I remember, that this is an opportunity to see God work…and the work He is doing, is usually for me and in me…to make me more like Him, to bring me closer to Him, to strengthen me, and to glorify Himself.  And, well, as hard as it is I love Him all the more because of it.

In this time of challenge with my son, I would love to see God just totally redeem the situation…either by making me gifted and ADD too so I can understand him, or by making his brain normal.  BUT, I’m ok with the fact that instead, this is an opportunity for me to persevere and for God to produce character, for me to hope in Him, and for His faithfulness to be proved. While the outcome is certainly uncertain, I am already seeing Him do a work in me.  He is so good!

Weekend Special

Well... I'm sooo excited, and sad! I just spent the entire weekend with my family!!! AWAKE too! A whole weekend! As I mentioned here, I work most Friday and Saturday nights.  I do this so our school weeks can be as normal as possible.  BUT, as you read in my other post, I worked 3 on 1 off 1 on... torture, but it freed up my weekend.

Originally we were going to go to the homeschool conference.  Instead, the girls spent the night with a friend, and my son was with my mom.  We had an entire night alone together.... it was great!  I can't remember the last time we had real alone time.  We went to dinner, rented a movie... I even slept in!  All the way to 0730!  HAHA!  Yes people, for me that is sleeping in!   Once the kids came home, we went to the bookstore, out to eat (3 times in one weekend...I was truly spoiled!) and came home....this is the fun part.... the girls cleaned the inside and the boys cleaned the outside (and our neighbor's yard). I slept in today too... to about 0739! Then, I got to go to church with my family, take an afternoon nap, grocery shop, and watch a family movie... We Bought a Zoo... many tears over that one, but it was good.

I know that probably doesn't sound amazing to you guys.  For most of you, it's probably a pretty typical weekend.  But, of all the things I miss the most about my former (pre-work) life, weekends are pretty close to the top of the list.  And, when I have one off, it's usually because we have something to do.  It is a very rare weekend where we can hang out and watch movies, clean the house, and go to church together. Very rare, indeed.  I'm so glad we got to enjoy this time together and that this week, I don't have to try to squeeze it all in to 5 days!

 

Taking a Backseat

So, my life isn't exactly what I wanted it to be.  Things are turning out totally different than my wildest imagination would have imagined!  I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom, to homeschool my kids, and to be the best wife ever.... It seems, God had other plans.  I continue to hope that He'll grant me the desires of my heart, or at least, align those desires with His plans.  In the meantime, I'm content to learn what He's teaching me...even when I don't like the lessons!

Right this moment, I'm learning how to put my hubby first.  I've certainly not made the best wife ever list, but now am seeing how I can be his helper.  Our life has not been a normal life. He had his own business for a while, went to school, more of the same business, now he's in school again.  It is a wild journey, and as he pointed out, we've been on some pretty scary and uncharted waters.  I'd like to think that on the outside I was fairly supported...even if I had those inward "You're crazy" thoughts!  We've sold a house in hopes of going into missions long term...China was our location!  We've created 5 year plans to build our dream home, and canceled them in order for him to go back to school. 

It's never been difficult to see how we compliment each other. This probably due to the fact, that we are opposites to the core.  Even down to I'm short and he's tall!  Our strengths are compliments and when you put the two together it makes a good one.... well, sorta!  Our sin of course gets in the way of that.  Sometimes, you know, when I'm having a bad day, his weaknesses really irritate me, and I'm frustrated that he's not more like me.  Those weaknesses often get in the way of my success!  Hmph!

But lately, God has been giving me a different vision.  Surprisingly it is one I'm ok with... How does He do that?  Right now, is not about my success.  It is about hubby's success.  Me being a helpmeet, means finding out how to make him  more successful.  What is really weird about the whole thing, is that I actually find it fulfilling!  Even in the midst of our currently crazy, survival mode, I am putting forth effort to think ahead for him as much as I do me.  Little things I wouldn't have considered doing before, because those are his things, are things I'm longing to do now!  Of course, it's a work in progress, and I often regress to the "I'm tired, I worked all night, I don't want to, you do it" attitude....

Thank you Lord, that you continue to make me shinier, that you put up with my sin, that you forgive me, and that you give me a husband that does all these things for me too!!!  It just makes me think that when you Delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.... Ps. 37:4

I'm a Mess

Please as I write this do not consider these "Super Mom" skills, we all simply do what we must. We all have different gifts...even you!

So- I posted about last week being crazy!  Last week consisted of swim practice (sometimes 2x/day!), dance, gym (twice), a swim meet on Saturday, a gymnastics performance at the gym, I worked Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights (7p-7a)....got home this morning at 0900- went to bed, got up at noon, went to church to scope out room for our spelling bee with my MIL, went to grocery store (kids in tow), home to put away and feed, then swim practice...then we got home and I got kids ready for bed and into bed all while working on details of the spelling bee.

Spelling Bee segway- perhaps I'll write a full on post about this after the event.... but for now- this will be our 2nd Annual Spelling Bee that benefits missionaries!  They are organized by myself and my super-human MIL! It was Thursday evening (following this post)! Lots of planning and errands involved as well as lots of love for missions.

SO- to the point.  This morning when I arrived at home, I hugged the darlings and checked Baby T over to see about improvement in her rash.  I noticed her thumb was peeling pretty badly.  Went to bed and forgot about it...wonder why? (insert crazy eyes here!) When we went to the pool she got out and showed me that the entire top layer of skin had peeled off of ALL of her fingertips!!! One of them was bleeding!  Thank the Lord swim practice was over.  I tried to compose myself as best as possible and get home!

All I could think was, Lord, I'm too tired.  I can't deal with this. This is my baby and her fingers are falling off....and that was all I thought about for days.  This rash was a total of 3 trips to the doctor, 2 different medications, and hours of worry and heartache.... We still (a week later) do not know what happened to Baby T or why she got this rash.  Now that that steroids are done, we are holding our breath that it doesn't come back and that this was just one bad week.

All this to say that sometimes my weeks are crazy...even with a low budget, I didn't manage to cook much and we ate out a lot.  Our watercolors we started the week before the craziness sat there in our living room, half finished, until today (1 week after starting this post!).  Even after the kids did the Sat evening cleaning, the house is a wreck...crumbs on the counter, paintbrushes in living room, crayons on another table in the living room, etc....  So why am I focusing on the crazy?  So I can tell you that God gave me strength when I needed it!

All that crazy leading up to our Spelling Bee Thursday, and more crazy following with dress rehearsal on Friday, swim meet Sat. morning and recital Sat. afternoon, church Sun., then birthday party for all the fam except mom who has to go to work....  But, I MADE IT through the spelling bee, with last minute changes and drop outs and mess-ups..  I made through Baby T's crazy illness, the working, the schedule, and all that.  Not because I'm supermom, but because God gave me an internal motivation I've not known in a long time. God gave me the strength to say, "If I don't put this load of clothes in now, and fold this one now, I could be in a worse situation when I need them..." He is amazing.

Today I could relax a little.  No where to be until this afternoon's dress rehearsal....and today I was exhausted and had a migraine.  Praise Him that it staved off until when I could relax!

I just know He is good.  I know He provides. He never leaves me. He always gives me what I need...like it or not.  If only I could leave all that worry with Him, I might feel even less stressed in times like this.