Epic Fail!!!

Thank God for grace....really.  Today I woke up without any motivation.  I was exhausted....didn't want to wake up kids, and certainly didn't want to take them to the park for school today like I promised. I tried to talk the kids into going on another day, but they declined.... so, I fulfilled my promise.  It took me a while to decide which park, too.  We talked about it, and I was going to try something different from our usual, but I remembered that people from our group sometimes go on Tuesday, and I didn't want everyone, myself included, to be distracted.  So, we packed up, and went to Subway (yeah for $5.00 turkey footlongs!), and then headed to the park...  The entire time I was trying to remember all the things I had to be grateful for, and trying not to remember all the times I was short tempered and barked at my children just this morning...

Enter here our arrival at the park.... I did check the weather before we left.  It was supposed to be a nice day, 10% chance rain, only 60% humidity (which is good for FL!), and sunny.  Well, the sun wasn't to be found. There were clouds everywhere. In fact as we drove over the bridge, I saw rain off in the distance.  I was, well, a little concerned, but hey, I'm a trooper, right?! So, we unpacked, me still extremely grumpy and trying desperately to be thankful and happy.  Trying desperately, but failing miserably! I was so tired that it seemed like work to keep my eyes open.  It was certainly work to keep my voice sounding kind and saying kind things, and was just too hard, and I failed at that over and over.  I did manage to find things to write in our Thankfulness Journals, but it was hard to mean it... I was glad to be able to take the kids to the park, but with the amount of wind we were experiencing, I was immensely frustrated.  We couldn't keep the tablecloth down...even with tying off the ends. We couldn't keep our Bible papers in one place.  I apologized to the kids for the frustration, for my grumpiness, for being mean and ugly, for not practicing self control... oh the list goes on...

That's why today I'm thankful for grace.  I was awful to my children.  I tried to just not talk so I wouldn't blow it again.  When the rain started sprinkling down, I apologized and just told the kids I couldn't do it anymore...while it would probably blow over and not amount to anything, (and I don't think it did) I needed to go home.  They agreed.... on the way home I stopped at DQ and got them ice cream cones as a means of reconciliation.  I went straight to bed...the girls put the food away and Bean Boys finished his school.  But when I was on the way to bed, Little Bit said, "You're the best mom ever, even when you're grumpy!"  I'm sure it was the ice cream talking, but I'm still so thankful for grace.

There were many moments today of which I am not proud.  But, there are even more moments that are memorable in a good way.  The best memory, while humbling, is of the kids forgiving their cranky mommy!  I'm thankful that despite my crankiness they still think I'm a great mom, I disagree, but I'm thankful for their perspective!  I'm thankful that tomorrow is a new day and I can start again trying to speak kind words and lifting my children up instead of tearing them down. I'm thankful that God has promised to forgive me for treating his children poorly. I'm thankful His mercies are new every morning!

Did you know you could do math in a tube? 

You can see the girls' hair blowing like crazy...this was after we moved behind the trees to try to block the wind a little!

It was actually chilly with all the wind...those two snuggled while we had our Bible lesson.  See the blowing hair?

  Linking with:

Stiff-necked

Sometimes it's really hard to explain just how in the world discipline can be a good thing!  But sometimes, God gives you insight that is just incredible... (or, in my case, He gives it to my hubby!)  The last several weeks have been a time of high intensity discipline for my son.  The results, as God has promised, have been good... and, it should be noted that their was high intensity love and compassion to go along with the discipline... At the height of the conflict, or maybe right at the breaking point, Hubby and my son had an interesting discussion.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace. Hebrews 12:11

First I should explain that for just under a year, I have been seeing a chiropractor.  I started at 3 times a week, and have backed down to 2 (most weeks).  We have "therapy" first where the muscles are loosened so that when Dr. Burke adjusts us, everything moves more readily back into alignment.  At first, Bean Boy, Baby T and I were the only patients.  Recently my husband and Little Bit have begun going as well. Hubby was very amused to sit back and watch.  He would giggle, ask a million questions (we wonder where Bean Boy gets this) and just really be an active observer.  But, when it came to be his turn...well, it was my turn to sit back and giggle!  He really does not like to be adjusted.  He complains, stiffens up, and later says things I can't repeat!  It is so funny!  Laying completely still makes him feel completely vulnerable.  Because he won't relax and lay still, the effectiveness of the therapy is lessened. He also won't go as often as recommended.  It makes Dr. Burke's job harder and it makes it take longer, with more repetition in order to achieve release and properly align the spine, and a longer course of therapy in general due to his less frequent visits.  Once he is properly aligned, he will agree that he can feel improvements, and apparently, they are good enough to keep going back for more.   

Back to the discussion at hand.... Hubby was able to use the analogy of the chiropractor to show how discipline is good.  He pointed out how Bean Boy has made far greater improvements than Hubby as far as his alignments go.  But, Bean Boy has been far more faithful to go, to do therapy at home, and to cooperate while there at the chiropractor.  Bean Boy has been far more willing to be vulnerable to Dr. Burke and to trust her with the work she does than Hubby has.  He just gets right up there on the table and lets her do her thing.  Hubby then explained that when we are "stiff-necked" and stubborn before authority, whether it be parents, a boss, or God, we are much like Hubby is at Dr. Burke's.  If we do not submit, allow ourselves to be vulnerable, and trust, we cannot see progress in our hearts.  However, when we trust our authority, submit and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, God is able to adjust our hearts, and it won't take as long, or be as painful. The only thing I have to add to this analogy, is that the therapy that keeps us "loose" and ready to be "aligned", is meditating on God's Word.  If we "hide His Word in our hearts"....we might not "sin against Him." Psalm 119:11 (my paraphrase). 

I'm afraid that sometimes, this analogy isn't just applicable to my son.... sometimes I resist God's therapy. I resist God's discipline in my life.  I won't trust Him. When I find myself under some sort of discipline, I find it especially difficult to submit, and am more likely to rebel.  I want to argue and stiffen up, and go before Him less and less.  Isn't that just like us?

My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of His reproof, for the Lord reproves those He loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.  Proverbs 3:11-12

Hubby and I will fail Bean Boy.  We won't discipline perfectly. We will make mistakes.  Not intentionally of course, but obviously, we don't have all the answers, can't see every situation perfectly, and can't truly judge his heart.  But our Heavenly Father has none of the limitations Hubby and I have.  He can see every situation and all sides of it.  He won't make mistakes and He does have all the answers.  His discipline for us is perfectly selected to adjust our hearts back into alignment with His will.  Isn't He good?

Music

It's a funny thing how my love of music has progressed over the years.... It has actually been less consuming due to the fact that I married someone who doesn't care for it.  But, every once in a while, when I need peace in my soul, there is no better way than through the soothing balm of music, the Holy Spirit, and well, belting it out!!!!

Lately, for belting it, I have been enjoying a gift from my best friend, a copy of Come to the Well by Casting Crowns, my favorite band.  The words to their songs are so very thought provoking and just really lead me to worship.  Today in the car we had some deep thinking (as much as the 11 year olds and 5 & 6 year olds can....).  I love the song, Jesus Friend of Sinners. I encouraged the kids to listen to the words and figure out what in the world it meant to "open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers".  Another line, "help us remember we are all the least of these, let the memory of your mercy bring your people to their knees;" and another, "you are good and your love endures forever".

This is soooo what God is teaching me. Mercy.  It all boils down to mercy.  I got it for free. I should give it for free.  It should "lead my heart".  But, I'm too busy noticing all the wrongs that have been done to me!  Thank God that He is not like that!!!  Instead, He has befriended me.  His love endures forever.  He is good.  So, thank you Casting Crowns!!! Love how your music helps me worship!

Here is a link to the youtube video.... song for thought! 

Please also consider watching the "behind the song" clip too... It was really thought provoking and humbly honest!

Mercy Muscles

Lamentations 3:22-23  The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

 

I am a sinner.  A big, fat hypocrite.  I need grace.  I need mercy.  I need love.  Without God to supply these, I am nothing but a constant failure!  As a parent, I fail daily.  I am constantly challenged by one of my children, and daily I fail.  I lose my patience, don't listen, nag, argue, yell, get angry, lose my temper, etc.  

Just today I LOST IT with this particular child.  Now, his act was grievous and against someone smaller, but certainly I could have responded better!  I was already angry at this child for poking along when others were waiting, and for basically telling me "no" when I asked him to do something....Oh, I was HOT!  I was still angry at him for the way he treated me yesterday too!!!  I think all of these things were thrown into the mix of frustration when I lost it with him.... not to mention the constant friction and frustration  with circumstances in our life right now.... (no excuses here, I'm guilty).  

In speaking with him later, I reminded him that sometimes we have to give up the right to be right.  Let it go.  Let go the need to have the last word.  I reminded him that we have to practice grace and mercy.  They don't come naturally, but are expected from God.  It is an exercise that we must perform daily, and sometimes several times a day.  I think we as Christians often think that we just are these things.  We are full of grace and mercy... but that's just not true.  Christ certainly was, but not us.  We have it available to us through the Holy Spirit, but mercy, grace, love, faith, are all action words that we must do.  In order to do it well, we must exercise those "love muscles" or "mercy muscles".  And, unfortunately, it is a repetitive exercise!  

How often are you able to "lecture" one of your children and not have it come back to bite you in the rear?  For me, it is not often.  I have not been practicing mercy for this child.  I have not had new mercies every morning.  Instead, I have kept a record of wrongs on hand to remind me just how challenging this child can be.  I have not been practicing godly love toward this child either.  I've gotten out of practice and need to continue building up my "mercy and love muscles".  Fortunately, God gave me this child, so I would have many opportunities for more "reps"!  

Thankfully, God's love and mercy muscles are built up as much as they can be!  He is never fatigued, never weak, never out of practice.  In fact, daily His mercy muscles are re-energized and ready to show me mercy again and again!   That works out nicely for me since I mess up so frequently! ;)  His love and mercy never run out!  Oh Thank you Lord!  I do not deserve it, but am so grateful! May I be a living example of your grace and mercy, especially to my children!!!

Hidden

SO, while I have the house to myself this week for VBS, I am CLEANING.... we all know a mom can't enjoy it until it is clean.  Once clean, I have grand plans, but can't move forward until the cleaning is done... I haven't even been able to get to the dining room table since the spelling bee!!! I did find the table this morning!  Then I got the idea that I would vacuum under the couch cushions... OH MY!!!!

It dawned on me as I removed the cushions and found, 2 smocks from our painting, paintbrushes, nasty food crumbs, and tons of other stuff, that my heart is just like that couch!  I can make it look soooo good on the outside.  I don't even know the dirt and muck and nastiness that is in there until God lifts away the "cushions" and exposes what I didn't know was there!!! Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick, who can understand it?  

Surface mess....

Note the magnifying glass!  Ugh- sin is magnified and brought to light when we allow God to clean us out!  I think it is funny that I found a ton of paper clips under the cushion!!!  Maybe my oldest was building a chain or something, I'm not sure.... but it made me think that with God, I have all I need to put my heart right, and hold it together.  Because hidden among the dirt and nastiness, is His Word!  How refreshing to know that His word has all I need to "clean up" so that my insides are cleaned up to match the outside.   Already you are clean because of the Word I have spoken to you. John 15:3

The nastiness deep within!

The thing is, that I know that in a week or two, the inside of the couch won't look  much different than it does now.  In order to keep it clean, it will require my constant attention!  My heart is similar...actually, more like the dishes that need cleaned 3-6 times daily!!! It will require CONSTANT attention!  There is no way to keep up with the filth, yet God says, Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life Proverbs 4:23- thus is born the hypocrite, the sinner, in desperate need of a loving, merciful saving God!!!

God is constantly putting in more effort than I am to sanctify me.  I love to think that one day I'll shine like the stars...cause He's making me shiny!!! :) Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world... Phil 2:14-15

Compassion

You'll have to bear with me as I struggle to format my blog... I'm not gifted in this area, and as I recently told friends, I wish one of my children would become a techy so I don't have to learn!!!

This week my youngest daughter, Baby T, got a horrible rash.  I mean, from her hairline to the bottoms of her feet were covered...possibly under her hair.  My son, Bean Boy, kept calling her lizard girl.  He had her convinced she would turn into a lizard, and we would keep her for a pet!!!  Oh my word! It was hysterical...we all joined in and talked about how we would put her in a special aquarium so she wouldn't get squished!  She said she was going to crawl into Bean Boy's shorts and bite his hiney!  We were cracking up!!!!  It was a very wonderful snuggle moment in the midst of a not-so-fun situation!

But, the nastiness of her rash and the discomfort she is experiencing because of it, mingled in with probably the craziest 2 weeks of our year so far, has really provided some God-given teaching moments...for us all!  As we were in the car (we spent most of today there!) Baby T was really struggling with the itching.  She was whining, crying, and wriggling all around.  Oh, my sweet baby!  Then Bean Boy really started to get irritated...and while I admit it was annoying, and frustrating, I remembered all that God had taught me about compassion the year before.  It's so hard to set aside our annoyances and think about that other person first...but that sure is what God has done for us!  He has forgotten all the times I was too embarrassed to mention Him, or didn't obey His Word, or just really shown myself, and He has loved me anyway! He's remembered me in my misery, and why shouldn't I do that for others...perhaps starting with my own kiddos.  So, I reminded Bean Boy of how miserable 1 single bug-bite is.  And said, let's imagine that all over our bodies, and put forth a little effort into being compassionate.... the effect was an abundance of tears and a, "Can't we do anything else to help her?"  Oh sweet children!  Friends, sometimes the problem is so big all we can do is PRAY!  And in our prayers thank Him for the misery that leads to new, cleaned-up hearts! 

Thank you Lord for your constant compassion, and that your mercies are new every morning!  Help me not to run out of mercies with my children!!!