Give Thanks

Somewhere along the way, I realized that "joy" was not a constant in my life.  I realized that, and confessed it to God. I spent a lot of time worrying about what that meant about me and my relationship with Him.  Did it mean I wasn't a good Christian? Did it mean I didn't really love Him?  And, somewhere in the midst of my despair, God whispered that I am ungrateful. That's when we began our gratefulness journals.  I'm still reading, praying, and working on being truly grateful.  I think, maybe it's just me, but I think it will take me a lifetime to understand, fully appreciate, and truly develop an honestly thankful heart.  It is deeper than just a "thank you". It encompasses so much more....it is doubtful I am yet to a point (or ever will be) where I can put it into words....

I would like to try to put into words what God revealed to me yesterday as I was reading.  Gratitude comes out of humility.  Have you ever thought about that?  Gratitude comes out of humility.  To me, that was such a profound thought.  Being grateful means you have to confess that someone else did something to "better" your situation.  Their kindness, gesture, gift, words, or whatever it is that the other person has done for you, brought you from a lower position to a higher one....you have to be humble in order to admit that without that person, you would still be in that lower state.  You couldn't have brought yourself to this "better" position.  

Think about all the little things that mean so much to you... in my journal yesterday, I was thankful that someone other than me filled the soap dispensers in the bathroom (without me asking, yeah!).  Seriously, those dispensers, like toilet paper rolls, never get refilled, unless I do it.  Every time I chose not to, because I'm either busy or rebelling against clean hands (wink, wink), I felt inadequate, like there's not enough of me to do it all.... but someone relieved me of that burden! They did it for me, not knowing how I felt about it... they lifted me up in many ways.  Even the flowers my hubby bought the other day... they put a smile on my face that had not been there before.  Whether the kindness big or small, I've been moved to a higher place.

Of course, it is easy to recognize how God's grace moves us to a higher position.  How when it is lavished upon us, we are brought up to a higher position...one of co-heir with Christ.   When before, I was filthy rags... Gratitude starts with admitting, "I am nothing without you God". I am nothing, have nothing, and will be nothing without His constantly giving me gifts to bring me to a higher position...the greatest of these gifts is grace and faith. 

It is funny how I have never considered this before.  Perhaps those of us (uh... I mean you) with pride issues, have a harder time with gratitude than others, because of the state of humility that is required. 

***Interject that I started this post over a month ago and let it sit for lack of words.... NOW, I am so grateful for so much more in my life.  Developing the habit of thankfulness by keeping our thankful journals has been an extraordinary blessing.  My husband says he notices a difference in me and the kids.  That's a wonderful byproduct.  Things he noticed: our prayers even just at dinner, are more expressive of thanks, day to day activities seem to contain more gratitude, and grumbling and "defeatist" attitudes are lessening in all of us.  He was even inspired to start his own journal.  He said that his heart is redirected towards good things as he is forced to look for the good in order to record it and it stops the "drama" surrounding the negative things.

I've noticed a lot of people recording daily something they are thankful for.  That's a wonderful start.  I say challenge yourself to continue that past November. Challenge yourself to never repeat, and to come up with five things daily.  Challenge your kids.  Some days are truly harder than others.  Some days, you won't feel thankful; do it anyway.  I have had several days like this, and by the end of my grumbling, writing it out, and sharing it with my kids, I'm usually fixed!

We have so much to be thankful for...so much that we simply take for granted.  So many little details that God lovingly pours over and generously gives to us are often overlooked by us.  I am truly humbled that the God of the universe, God Most High, loves me, works for me, serves me, lavishes grace upon me, and cares about the little details and the big ones in my life.  I am thankful that He is ever-present, constantly loving me,  that I can see that in my day to day life, and that I have chosen to record it, share it with others, and thank my loving Father for it all!

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever.  1 Chronicles 16:34

*In this Wrap-up I posted a sample of our journals....I'll be posting more in the future as I roll out a project we've been working on.

Apparent Project

You know it's a small world when someone from your very first job pops back into your life umpteen million years later. . . lol!  Ok...for starters, I had a very interesting first job.  Folks, I delivered retainers!  Funny isn't it?  Well, I delivered them, and there was this sweet girl who worked there.  She ran off and got married, and I graduated high school, and moved.  And, that was that. . . . until 2 years ago when Little Bit started dance.  Funny thing, Cami (my friend) had a daughter the same age as mine!  They were in the same dance class for 2 years!  Isn't that funny?
Well, even if just for brief moments, having Cami back in my life has been a neat blessing.  Cami has this amazing "God assignment," as she likes to call it.  She is blessed with ministering to the ministry Apparent Project.  This is an AMAZING ministry, blessed by God, that helps poor, homeless Haitians keep their children out of orphanages.  The Corrigans teach artisans to make beads from cereal boxes.  The beads are used to make jewelry.  In the last 3 years since Apparent Project started, they have gone from 4 on staff, to 250!  The impact doesn't stop there though.  Haitians are paid to bring their cereal boxes, others (non-staff) are making jewelry to sell to AP, and hope is once again seen in Haiti as God reaches out to His beloved orphans, widows, and poor.  He is good!
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Sisi is a single mother living in her tent with 4 children!  She has been a wonderful addition to the Apparent Project sewing program and hopes to use her earnings from her hard work to rent a house and pay for her children to school.
The other neat thing about Apparent Project, is that buying jewelry isn't the only way to help.  I can involve my kids by having them break down cereal boxes, oatmeal, granola bar boxes, 12 pack of soda box, etc.  You should definitely read Cami's post about the journey of a cereal box!  We save them and give them to Cami, and she ships tons back to Haiti through Rays of Hope.    In addition to saving cereal boxes, you can host a jewelry party,  have a fundraiser, make a donation, blog about it, or simply pray for the ministry's growth.  I love the cards on the jewelry with the artisans info because it provides me a real person to pray for.

Apparent Jewelry is now in the U.S., Canada, and Europe, and has been picked up by Gap, Donna Karan, Macy's and Disney. Isn't that exciting!?

With Christmas right around the corner (yes I just said that!) Apparent Project items make great gifts!  I know I'll be going to pick some out at the next open house!  See you there? Here are some things you could pick up:




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And there's sooooo much more!!!

Unplugged and On the Farm

My soul is refreshed!  I told Hubby that he should look into researching the effects of simple farm life on anxiety for a school project!  The kids and I have all come home with a new confidence, a refreshed feeling, and relaxed.  I had no idea how much I needed to unplug, relax, and enjoy God's beautiful, amazing landscape.

Our days on the farm were fantastic!  We hooked up the wagon to the big FORD tractor and went on hours of hay rides... A hayride like few can experience.  Not commercial. Just us. Just our friends. Just nature.  We would stop every now and then to get a lesson on a tree, to climb a deer stand, or to jump the hay bales.  We call them "bay hales" because my mom could never say it right!  It was hysterical... one of things where you have to be there I suppose. Oh...and I got to DRIVE the tractor! How cool is that?!

This was a 17 foot deer stand that everyone (except me) climbed up....even Grandma did it! 

Those "bay hales" were huge, and the kids jumped from one to the next ....this  photo was taken after they went down the row and back a few times!

Me driving big blue... This is right by the pond, and I drove it from the fence at the top of the hill down... that was quite enough for me, but exciting!

Farmer Mitch (our guide and friend) gave us a great nature study on trees and their nuts.  He was so knowledgeable about the different kind of trees, we could hand him a nut or leaf and ask him which tree it came from, and he would know!  We took some neat pictures you can see below...school with what we had on hand....

This one tastes like a pecan, but is quite a bit more work to get out than a pecan.

The perfect fall acorn!

Very bitter tasting.

The "stains" is on there because the "meat" between the shell of the nut and the "fruit" is used as furniture stain...

We had all hoped to milk a cow, but they aren't milking them anymore. However, we did get to pet one, while she was nursing. We also watched them wade in the pond while we were fishing.  Fishing was quite the experience.  They have a pond for the cows to drink from.  About 20 years ago they stocked it, and have not had to stock it since.  We each caught about 10-15 fish (maybe more....you stop counting at a certain point).  Sometimes you would put a new worm on your hook, throw it out, and pull it right back with another fish!  What a great first experience for the kids!  We only caught small blue gill that had to be thrown back even though he swore there were catfish in there somewhere!

We had a biology lesson like no other.  The girls wanted to know what the inside of a fish looks like... so Mitch obliged and cut one open to show them the insides!  They were enthralled...don't let Little Bit's face fool you! She was pretending, but the whole time kept saying how "cool" it was to see the inside.... Bean Boy however, kept his distance. It was interesting that at the end of the day Mitch finally told him, I'm not taking this fish off for you...you have to touch it... and, he did it!  Now, you have to understand that he has OCD tendencies, especially when it comes to being clean and having clean hands. So, it was a big deal that he actually touched the fish and took it off the hook!!!  I was so proud of him!

Bragging rights:  Be forewarned, now I will start bragging about my kids....  I'd just like to say that they were WONDERFUL!  Poor Bean Boy was sick during the ride up, but still tried to work on his school work. He was sick the first day there, but mostly kept a good attitude, until his fever got the best of him, at which point, I gave him Tylenol. The girls were amazing.  There were NO ARGUMENTS the entire trip between the 3 of them!!!  They didn't ask 500 times how much longer....Baby T asked a few times, but not excessively.  They obeyed well. They were kind to others. They had happy hearts. They were helpful. I would have loved them if they weren't any of these things of course, but it just made the trip spectacular! (Ok, I'm done now!)

One last thing that made this vacation super fantastic.... NO CHORES!  For any of us!  Our sweet friend Debbie was so quick with the laundry that I never beat her to putting our laundry in the washer or dryer!  I did fold clothes as often as I could, and the girls helped with the towels.  Debbie loves to cook and we ate like kings and queens!  And, she did all the cleaning!  What more can a tired momma ask for?

I truly wanted to have this post out and ready for the Weekly-Wrap Up, but we drove all day Wednesday. We arrived around 8:30 pm, ate a late dinner, which Hubby had ready for us, took showers and went to bed.  Thursday morning I had a meeting, and Thursday night began 3 in a row at work!  Yes, we got right back into the swing of things!  But, I don't mind... (adding this in much later.. I left my camera at work and have just been able to pick it up to add in pictures! Will post this mid-week and probably use as my wrap-up...)

I'm thankful that we had so many fantastic experiences, that I could only highlight them for you. I'm thankful that the lack of phone service and internet service provided me with time to "unplug" without feeling guilty for doing it! I'm thankful for friends who interrupted their life to host us and show us a fantastic time.  I'm thankful that my mom and I were able to work out our schedules to go together. I'm thankful for seeing and enjoying so many amazing things. I'm thankful my kids were so wonderful.   I'm thankful that God is faithful and keeps His promises.... 

Matthew 11:28 Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. 

Jeremiah 31:25  I will refresh the weary, and satisfy the faint.

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Uncertainty and Doubt

My very handsome young man!

So, yesterday was one of those days.  My frustration level hit an all time high, which made my "grit" sink to an all time low. I just wanted to quit.  I'm so tired of fighting to get an "average" (or less) performance from an incredibly intelligent child.  He's your typical "do just enough" kid...and sometimes, it's just not enough.... Sigh.  His ADD and Executive Functioning disorder are more than just a diagnosis.  It opens up his mother to a whole new world of doubt and uncertainty.  Throw in a tad of giftedness (and hormones) and it is enough to make her want to crawl into a hole for, oh, about 18 years!!!  This. Is. Hard!!!!

I am so thankful for this incredible kid.  He is super, crazy smart.  Hubby says at night they make up math problems to do together, and that Bean Boy is making up trigonometry problems!  Geesh!  He's 11 people!!!  He is super creative and constantly that brain is turning.  It makes my brain feel exhausted.  He is funny.  Fortunately, and unfortunately, he got my sense of humor.  It's funny, but extremely sarcastic and for an 11 year old without discernment... well, it can mean trouble.  Adults love this kid! Really, they do. And, they can never figure out why he causes me so much frustration and stress, because they just think he is so wonderful.  And, he is wonderful....

But, he is a strong-willed kid.  When he was younger, it used to really frustrate me when people thought it would make things better to say, "He is strong-willed. He'll be a good leader one day."  I constantly thought, if he makes it!  I totally see now that no one (and I mean NO ONE) will convince that kid to do anything he doesn't want to do. So, the imperative to teach him to do the right thing, and to pray the Holy Spirit will make him desire the right thing, feels that much greater.

Insert doubt and uncertainty here... This is where I am faint of heart.  I struggle with knowing where he is.  Hubby and I frequently compare him to Sheldon on Big Bang Theory.  He is almost completely without emotions or the capability to talk about them.  The only time he shows emotion is when he is dog tired and completely unable to function; which, due to his sleeping issues, is frequently.  And these emotions come in outbursts of tears and unreasonable attitude, and end in him being sent to bed.  I long to connect with him on any level outside of Phineas and Pherb, comics, and fantasy.  It makes my heart ache....

I long for him to be able to sleep.  I long to be confident in the decisions we make concerning him.  I long for him to develop healthy friendships with kids his own age.  The only decision I confidently trust, is our decision to homeschool.  While there are days that I think it would be easier to send him to school, deep down I believe that is a lie from the enemy.  My heart aches for this kid who struggles with a sleeping disorder, inability to organize, and inability to focus.  It hurts.  I do wish it were me and not him.  I never know if I should let him sleep or push him through it.  I never know if I should give consequences for losing school work and books, or revamp our organization.  I feel like I cannot give him the training and tools he needs to become a man who will be able to support his family... there just isn't time!  Some days, I truly feel like a failure.

Insert frustration here.... he's so stinking smart.  My brain and heart oscillate from compassion to frustration.  Surely he is smart enough to remember when you are done with the math book, put it away.  Don't make your sisters squeal; it is not fun for them.  All sentences begin with capital letters and end with a punctuation mark (picture him rolling eyes here).  Now that he is in 6th grade, the pressure (from where I don't know) to focus more on academics and learning certain things, is mounting.  He is 11, I should be able to expect a little bit more maturity.  Right?  So, I get angry.  That solves a whole lot, right?

There just aren't words to describe the constant nagging in my heart, that says I messed up again, the pain of knowing he's not like other kids, the uncertainty and questioning of every decision we make concerning him.  There is fear about what his future holds.  Will he be able to focus enough to hold a job? Will he be able to turn in documents that are completed (and punctuated) correctly, without food and crumpling?  Will he be able to connect with a woman and marry?  There is so much uncertainty...my heart grows weak.

I try not to borrow trouble from tomorrow and the future, especially Bean Boy's future.  It is more than I can bear, to think about what could be.  Instead, today I am choosing to believe that God will redeem the situation.  I believe God has a plan for him.  I believe He has a specific purpose and calling, and that Bean Boy is unique for this reason.  I believe apart from God, I cannot have certainty in parenting this amazing kiddo.  And even then, it is hard.  So, minute by minute I must choose to trust God for my son.  It is hard work, this faith thing!  :)

Yes, he is goofy!

Yes, he does like to read the dictionary.....

Trust in the Lord and do good. Dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.  Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart; Commit your way to the Lord; trust Him and He will act. Ps. 37: 3-5

Bad Day....Thank you God

Well, Sunday things didn't turn out like I had planned. I was super excited to have a Sunday off (one where I hadn't worked the night before).  It is so very rare! I had all my plans ready to go over to my mom's and spend the day doing some crafts I've had planned out for a while...thank you Pinterest!  Yes, I know we were skipping church, but my hubby was gone, and I don't really ever get to go to church, so I don't have a class, etc.... excuses, excuses.  We had some mighty worship time in the car; much to my son's dismay! He had to listen to us girls belt it out!

So, I get the kids loaded up before 0900... We get to mom's and make a list of things we need (of course, I don't have everything for even one project).  While we are waiting for Michaels to open, Baby T was complaining about being cold.  Well, after some push-ups, jumping jacks, and sit ups, she stopped complaining...exit thoughts about cold from mom's head.  

Once we got to Michael's, the complaints of cold started again. It finally dawned on me that this child never complains about much of anything, much less being cold.  I felt her head.... then the guilt set it.  The child had a raging fever!  In my defense, she never acted sick at all! We finished at Michael's went to Mom's, and while the kids sat in the car, I packed up all of our stuff. No crafts for me that day- they didn't have what I needed anyway.  Then, when we got home, her temp was 102.6!  She was still not acting sick!  We went to bed anyway...hey, she needed her momma to nap with her, right? 

So, yeah, I was kinda bummed that my plans got ruined. BUT, I was so thankful to be with her, that her dad didn't have to manage this (he was at the hospital, on call, till Monday at 4:30).  I was thankful for the snuggle time, which she is kind of outgrowing. And, looking back, especially thankful that I was the one home.  When we woke up, her tempt was 101.something.  She was shivering. I medicated her around 8:00, snuggled with her, then her temp was 104.5!  Yikes! This was an hour after her meds. I put her in the tub, and it went up again to 104.9!!! SO, my mom came over to watch the other kids, and I headed off to the ER, after another dose of tylenol. 

By the time we got there, her temp was down of course. Rapid strep test was negative, and we got to go home.  Now, she has a fever, but is doing gymnastics in the living room.  We got to have another sweet nap together today.  I'm thankful it was nothing serious. I'm thankful that my best friend (also a nurse) was able to come down from work and visit us in the ER.  I'm thankful for my children. I'm thankful that we got insurance when we did (last month!), I'm thankful that God has not seen fit to give  us major illnesses to deal with to add to our stress. I'm so thankful for snuggles with my babies who are growing up way to fast. I'm thankful for the friend who brought us Pedialyte, and the one who brought us dinner. I'm thankful that we were able to get most of our school done today (Baby T excluded from most). I'm thankful that in the midst of something bad, God has given me so very, very much to be thankful for. 

Epic Fail!!!

Thank God for grace....really.  Today I woke up without any motivation.  I was exhausted....didn't want to wake up kids, and certainly didn't want to take them to the park for school today like I promised. I tried to talk the kids into going on another day, but they declined.... so, I fulfilled my promise.  It took me a while to decide which park, too.  We talked about it, and I was going to try something different from our usual, but I remembered that people from our group sometimes go on Tuesday, and I didn't want everyone, myself included, to be distracted.  So, we packed up, and went to Subway (yeah for $5.00 turkey footlongs!), and then headed to the park...  The entire time I was trying to remember all the things I had to be grateful for, and trying not to remember all the times I was short tempered and barked at my children just this morning...

Enter here our arrival at the park.... I did check the weather before we left.  It was supposed to be a nice day, 10% chance rain, only 60% humidity (which is good for FL!), and sunny.  Well, the sun wasn't to be found. There were clouds everywhere. In fact as we drove over the bridge, I saw rain off in the distance.  I was, well, a little concerned, but hey, I'm a trooper, right?! So, we unpacked, me still extremely grumpy and trying desperately to be thankful and happy.  Trying desperately, but failing miserably! I was so tired that it seemed like work to keep my eyes open.  It was certainly work to keep my voice sounding kind and saying kind things, and was just too hard, and I failed at that over and over.  I did manage to find things to write in our Thankfulness Journals, but it was hard to mean it... I was glad to be able to take the kids to the park, but with the amount of wind we were experiencing, I was immensely frustrated.  We couldn't keep the tablecloth down...even with tying off the ends. We couldn't keep our Bible papers in one place.  I apologized to the kids for the frustration, for my grumpiness, for being mean and ugly, for not practicing self control... oh the list goes on...

That's why today I'm thankful for grace.  I was awful to my children.  I tried to just not talk so I wouldn't blow it again.  When the rain started sprinkling down, I apologized and just told the kids I couldn't do it anymore...while it would probably blow over and not amount to anything, (and I don't think it did) I needed to go home.  They agreed.... on the way home I stopped at DQ and got them ice cream cones as a means of reconciliation.  I went straight to bed...the girls put the food away and Bean Boys finished his school.  But when I was on the way to bed, Little Bit said, "You're the best mom ever, even when you're grumpy!"  I'm sure it was the ice cream talking, but I'm still so thankful for grace.

There were many moments today of which I am not proud.  But, there are even more moments that are memorable in a good way.  The best memory, while humbling, is of the kids forgiving their cranky mommy!  I'm thankful that despite my crankiness they still think I'm a great mom, I disagree, but I'm thankful for their perspective!  I'm thankful that tomorrow is a new day and I can start again trying to speak kind words and lifting my children up instead of tearing them down. I'm thankful that God has promised to forgive me for treating his children poorly. I'm thankful His mercies are new every morning!

Did you know you could do math in a tube? 

You can see the girls' hair blowing like crazy...this was after we moved behind the trees to try to block the wind a little!

It was actually chilly with all the wind...those two snuggled while we had our Bible lesson.  See the blowing hair?

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Weekly Wrap-Up: Breaks Fly By!!!

How is it that when you are on a break from school, the week flies right past you?? It's just not fair!!! Although, I have to say this has been an ahhhmaaazing week!

 It started out with a surprise for my hubby. After he left for his internship on Monday, I packed the kids up and took them to my MIL's house. I came home, tidied the bedroom, put the new sheets on the bed, set up about 40 candles, and then texted him.... "Do you think you could come watch the girls while I take Bean Boy to the MD. I think he has strep." So wonderful Hubby texted when he left. It was a little too early... I hadn't gotten all dolled up yet, so I texted, "Bean Boy is begging for popsicles, would you pick some up on your way home?" Boy was he surprised when he walked in and found me all dressed up and no kids! I had pre-purchased movie tickets through Fandango so off we went; then out to dinner, then home where he finally saw the bedroom and the massage oil I bought for him. It was a great time... I can't remember the last time we had a date that lasted that long...usually it's just dinner!


While the date was great, the entire next day, home alone, was ahhh! I got a lot of school planning done, a nap, and some piddly stuff...I really need more days like this! I know you all just think I'm forgetful, and I am, but I truly don't know the last time I had the house to myself for more than a short time! Even the short times are rare!!!

 So Wednesday's plan was to clean out the school room... apparently, I really didn't want to, cause I got started in my laundry room. It took almost all day, but the girls and I cleaned out, organized, pitched stuff, and wiped off everything... we even moved some of the furniture around. I took a load to Goodwill and have a bag for the consignment store. It looks beautiful in there!

Very spacious... my Hubby built this room for me!

He built these shelves too!

So happy!

Thursday, I tried again in the school room. There is something about it, and I'm beginning to loathe that room! First of all, you saw how messy it was here... And while, yes the mess is overwhelming, I think the problem is more of the sadness I'm experiencing... I've got so much great stuff, and just no time to do it! I have many, many great aspirations, but we get in a routine, and my forgetfulness sinks in, I get tired (can't imagine why) and I get busy, and we just stick with our routine. The clincher was when I found an experiment book for water. I would LOVE to do this with the girls...study how salt dissolves and pepper doesn't, how water evaporates, how it always runs downhill, etc.... Sigh... they'll just have to be satisfied with learning about Land Animals of the sixth day and watching cougar documentaries on Netflix... And me, I'm really trying to remember to be thankful for the precious time God has given me with them, and not mourn how fast it is flying by! AND, I moved out of the school room and onto the next thing to give my heart a break. (I'll get back to it next week.)  We have a big drawer in our coffee table that got really clean! It was full of old crayons, so we decided to make crayon candles! How funny is that?! Spur of the moment trip to Michaels to get wicks, and then ALL AFTERNOON AND EVENING spent on making candles. I did use up MOST of the crayons. It was neat, and the clincher was when, during our family worship time, Little Bit shared what she was thankful for, "I'm thankful that mommy used our old crayons to make candles with us instead of throwing them away."

We soaked the crayons in ice water to help loosen the wrappers.  It took about 40 minutes to get the wrappers off all of our crayons!  The kids were very patient with the process, and I was surprised and glad!

The girls peeling, peeling, peeling! Notice the empty chair...

He's ba-ack! And as silly as ever!

I can't believe how long they stuck with it!

That's a lot of crayon wrappers!!!

That's a lot of crayons!

Melting, melting, melting!  It took FOREVER!!

Then we got some votives poured... please ignore the dirty pan of grease! LOL!!!

Tada!  I did some layered ones too in glass jars, but didn't take pictures...

I, like Mary, am treasuring these things in my heart! They are fantastic and wonderful, and I'm so in love with my family! Thank you God for the rich, rich family life we have, the wonderful blessings you pour out!

I'm off to work for the weekend!  Have a blessed weekend!

Wrap-up: