Thankfulness Journey

Give thanks in all circumstances, 

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

It is fitting that I was distracted when starting my thankfulness list. I wrote at the top of my page "Thankfulness Journey" instead of Thankfulness Journal, which was my original intent. However, I like the idea of this project being a "journey." The idea certainly was not original, just something I've "heard of" several people doing. But, it was an idea borne out of frustration with the constant, "Can we go/have/dos" and the "We never gets...." and the "But I don't haves..." that I feel like I'm constantly hearing. It seems like we leave one fun activity that was super fantastic, and they're already asking what's next, instead of lingering over how great that activity was. The "thank yous" are far and few between, without reminders, and I'm frustrated.

But then...perhaps I haven't been the best example. I've been feeling incredibly discontent with things in my life. While I do treasure the little things, and am grateful for them, and rarely forget my own manners, I have had a discontent spirit. My furniture is falling apart now, after many years of being used as a vault and mat, my floors still are not finished, my kitchen looks like a picture of something from the Brady Bunch, and we are struggling to put groceries on the table. What I tend to forget, is that God literally provided all our furniture, and we didn't pay a dime for it! I forget to be grateful that Hubby the Hero mops all my floors (and he's doing it now). I also forget that some of our most amazing memories come from that antiquated kitchen!

Not only have I struggled with discontentment in my "home" but also with the people in my life. Sure, they are all sinners and will let me down (and that is true of myself of course) but they are also blessings! My discontentment has spread to relationships! I shudder to think how dangerous this is! My dissatisfaction with my kids, my husband, and myself have led to dissatisfaction with my God. It is viral! It spreads like fire in a windstorm! And, it is so dangerous. And, I'm sorry! I'm sorry to my family and friends who have had to deal with my sour attitude. And, I'm sorry to God for allowing it to grow inside of me and affect my relationship with Him!

SO- the cure for this nasty virus.... I will be intentional and purposefully thankful. As I've told the kids, each day it gets harder to make that list, we need to be keeping our eyes open for opportunities to be thankful. What nice things have people done for us? What are things we don't like/enjoy and what about them can we be thankful for? For example I don't like washing dishes, but sure am thankful to have food! What can we learn about God from this? I've started two projects to help me be intentional. The first is, as you have already seen here, the list the kids and I are making together during our Bible study time. We will continue to daily list 5 things we are thankful for without repeating. If we list a person, it has to be followed by something specific that they have done to make us thankful. It is making it so that we have to pay attention during the day. The second project is to help remedy the dissatisfaction I have felt in my relationship with my husband. He truly is a guy most other wives would want! Other husbands should take notes.... but I've taken that for granted, and I want to remedy that. So, without saying more, just know that I'm working on that, and I will eventually share some details.

I'd love to know if you are interested in joining me in this journey. I'll email you the details of the project for Hubby if you like, and will probably "advertise" heavily about it when I'm done, but would love to have you join me on any part of this thankfulness journey.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of Jesus, 
giving thanks to God the Father through Him.  
Colossians 3:17

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good;
His love endures forever.
Psalm 118:1

I'm linking up here:

 

Predictability....

WOW!  What a week I've had.  The kids had VBS this week, so I thought I'd relish the time alone starting with cleaning the house!  I thought this would take 2 days to do a really good job.  Then, I planned to plan for school, and get things set up for a unit study/lap book about the Olympics.... Well.... it took ALL WEEK to get the house cleaned how I wanted it!  All week!!!  On Wednesday, I began to become disheartened, thinking this job was never ending.  Plus, one of my daughters decided she didn't like VBS and stayed home with me Thursday and Friday.  This week was not shaping up to be anything like what I had planned....come to think of it, neither is my life shaping up according to my plans!!!

Besides the cleaning, I ran errands daily!  I didn't manage to cook one meal, other than breakfast, which of course means a big dent in our budget.  I'm not going to lie... I was totally frustrated.  I was working my tail off, and not really seeing any progress. UGH!  Today, as I was mowing the lawn (more work....) and complaining to myself about who should really be doing this, about the FL heat, about the sweat, my wrists hurting, and etc., etc, I realized I truly should be thankful.  I remember moving into this house and how God saved it for us for 12 years!  Almost all of the things inside have been given to us. Thank God I have a house to clean, kids to pick up after, a lawn to mow, garage full of stuff! I pray that I can be a better steward of the things I have. I pray I can teach my kids how to be good stewards of the things they have.  I pray that I can lighten the burdens of my husband as I mow the lawn and prepare meals and prepare to go to work.  In addition to giving me things, thank you Lord for my health and the ability to take care of them.  I pray God will forgive me for complaining. Help me to relinquish control when things don't go as I planned.

Apparently, I had a lot of time to think while I was mowing the lawn.  I was thinking then, that this weather is just crazy!  We went from drought, to flood in as little as 3 days!  We went from cool mornings with a nice breeze and warm afternoons, to sticky, muggy HOT...like hottest days of the year!  I was thinking how God is good to show us that He is in control of the unpredictable weather- and just as much in control of my unpredictable life.  Just like the weather, I can't do anything about it.... I can only change my attitude towards it- and that only with Him!

Taking a Backseat

So, my life isn't exactly what I wanted it to be.  Things are turning out totally different than my wildest imagination would have imagined!  I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom, to homeschool my kids, and to be the best wife ever.... It seems, God had other plans.  I continue to hope that He'll grant me the desires of my heart, or at least, align those desires with His plans.  In the meantime, I'm content to learn what He's teaching me...even when I don't like the lessons!

Right this moment, I'm learning how to put my hubby first.  I've certainly not made the best wife ever list, but now am seeing how I can be his helper.  Our life has not been a normal life. He had his own business for a while, went to school, more of the same business, now he's in school again.  It is a wild journey, and as he pointed out, we've been on some pretty scary and uncharted waters.  I'd like to think that on the outside I was fairly supported...even if I had those inward "You're crazy" thoughts!  We've sold a house in hopes of going into missions long term...China was our location!  We've created 5 year plans to build our dream home, and canceled them in order for him to go back to school. 

It's never been difficult to see how we compliment each other. This probably due to the fact, that we are opposites to the core.  Even down to I'm short and he's tall!  Our strengths are compliments and when you put the two together it makes a good one.... well, sorta!  Our sin of course gets in the way of that.  Sometimes, you know, when I'm having a bad day, his weaknesses really irritate me, and I'm frustrated that he's not more like me.  Those weaknesses often get in the way of my success!  Hmph!

But lately, God has been giving me a different vision.  Surprisingly it is one I'm ok with... How does He do that?  Right now, is not about my success.  It is about hubby's success.  Me being a helpmeet, means finding out how to make him  more successful.  What is really weird about the whole thing, is that I actually find it fulfilling!  Even in the midst of our currently crazy, survival mode, I am putting forth effort to think ahead for him as much as I do me.  Little things I wouldn't have considered doing before, because those are his things, are things I'm longing to do now!  Of course, it's a work in progress, and I often regress to the "I'm tired, I worked all night, I don't want to, you do it" attitude....

Thank you Lord, that you continue to make me shinier, that you put up with my sin, that you forgive me, and that you give me a husband that does all these things for me too!!!  It just makes me think that when you Delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.... Ps. 37:4

I'm a Mess

Please as I write this do not consider these "Super Mom" skills, we all simply do what we must. We all have different gifts...even you!

So- I posted about last week being crazy!  Last week consisted of swim practice (sometimes 2x/day!), dance, gym (twice), a swim meet on Saturday, a gymnastics performance at the gym, I worked Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights (7p-7a)....got home this morning at 0900- went to bed, got up at noon, went to church to scope out room for our spelling bee with my MIL, went to grocery store (kids in tow), home to put away and feed, then swim practice...then we got home and I got kids ready for bed and into bed all while working on details of the spelling bee.

Spelling Bee segway- perhaps I'll write a full on post about this after the event.... but for now- this will be our 2nd Annual Spelling Bee that benefits missionaries!  They are organized by myself and my super-human MIL! It was Thursday evening (following this post)! Lots of planning and errands involved as well as lots of love for missions.

SO- to the point.  This morning when I arrived at home, I hugged the darlings and checked Baby T over to see about improvement in her rash.  I noticed her thumb was peeling pretty badly.  Went to bed and forgot about it...wonder why? (insert crazy eyes here!) When we went to the pool she got out and showed me that the entire top layer of skin had peeled off of ALL of her fingertips!!! One of them was bleeding!  Thank the Lord swim practice was over.  I tried to compose myself as best as possible and get home!

All I could think was, Lord, I'm too tired.  I can't deal with this. This is my baby and her fingers are falling off....and that was all I thought about for days.  This rash was a total of 3 trips to the doctor, 2 different medications, and hours of worry and heartache.... We still (a week later) do not know what happened to Baby T or why she got this rash.  Now that that steroids are done, we are holding our breath that it doesn't come back and that this was just one bad week.

All this to say that sometimes my weeks are crazy...even with a low budget, I didn't manage to cook much and we ate out a lot.  Our watercolors we started the week before the craziness sat there in our living room, half finished, until today (1 week after starting this post!).  Even after the kids did the Sat evening cleaning, the house is a wreck...crumbs on the counter, paintbrushes in living room, crayons on another table in the living room, etc....  So why am I focusing on the crazy?  So I can tell you that God gave me strength when I needed it!

All that crazy leading up to our Spelling Bee Thursday, and more crazy following with dress rehearsal on Friday, swim meet Sat. morning and recital Sat. afternoon, church Sun., then birthday party for all the fam except mom who has to go to work....  But, I MADE IT through the spelling bee, with last minute changes and drop outs and mess-ups..  I made through Baby T's crazy illness, the working, the schedule, and all that.  Not because I'm supermom, but because God gave me an internal motivation I've not known in a long time. God gave me the strength to say, "If I don't put this load of clothes in now, and fold this one now, I could be in a worse situation when I need them..." He is amazing.

Today I could relax a little.  No where to be until this afternoon's dress rehearsal....and today I was exhausted and had a migraine.  Praise Him that it staved off until when I could relax!

I just know He is good.  I know He provides. He never leaves me. He always gives me what I need...like it or not.  If only I could leave all that worry with Him, I might feel even less stressed in times like this.