Gratitude Guardian

God has really been calling out to my heart. I've had such a struggle lately with contentment. I've struggled as I've mentioned before with contentment in many areas of my life. But, as I read through Scriptures, it is clear, painfully clear, this is not the mark of a believer. This is part of why I have started our Thankfulness Journey/Journal. It is a start, not the answer to my problem, just a start. 

I listened to another sermon by John Piper.  It was another sermon about gratitude.  I absolutely love the picture he painted, about a city under siege and surrounded by the enemy.  I am that city.  The enemy is constantly throwing temptations, distractions, blocking my concentration and my thoughts. I'm surrounded every where I turn around!  But Piper says that there is a song I can learn that makes the enemy fall back, one the enemy hates!  If I could just stop being distracted long enough to learn the words and to remember to sing the song of thankfulness...of gratitude!  It is a guard against the enemy and I could walk right through enemy lines, untouched, unscathed, without scar!   That excites my heart. 

But, I have doubts.  I'm so forgetful.  I'm still so ruled by my emotions and feelings.  I forget to thank God... even for the big things!  How can I remember to thank Him for all things and in all things?  I do feel as if I will never be intentional enough, at least not in this lifetime!  But, that doesn't mean that I have to give up.  I can continue to put effort into remembering. I can continue to try and plan to be intentional.  One day, the Holy Spirit will make my heart one that is abundant and even overflowing with thanksgiving. 

I sat the kids down today and shared the verses from Colossians 2:1-8, that John Piper's sermon covered.  I told them how he said thanksgiving is a guard for our hearts.  I then showed them how in Proverbs God said that Above all else.... I mean, it must be really important if He says above all else.... He says, Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23).  And here, Piper has helped me to unlock one of the keys to guarding my heart with all vigilance, as the ESV states:  Thanksgiving and gratitude.  Then I showed the kids, excitedly, as God was speaking to me, that in Phillipians we are given another key....

Do not be anxious in anything, but by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus... (Phillipians 4:6-7)

This is the second tool God gives us to help us guard our hearts... pray and petition with thanksgiving (there is is again!) lead God to give us peace which protects... It guards our hearts and minds the verses say!  How awesome is that?  God Himself will give us what we need to guard our hearts!  I'm so excited to learn this....

Paul tells the Colossians that they will be guarded from plausible arguments, empty deceit,  human tradition, etc. Piper warns that the opposite of thanksgiving which is grumbling, complaining, snide remarks, sarcasm, etc. leads to just that...it is a subtle, yet effective, way for the enemy to pry us away from our song. 

I feel it!  The city of me is crumbling.  I look back to my life that is void of that song and I cringe to think how effectively the Enemy has pulled me away from the Love of my life!  How dare he!  Just this weekend my mouth was full of complaining and my heart downcast over the silliest thing.  At work, my unit has moved to a brand spanking new floor!  It's beautiful.  Everything is NEW! I got to tell each patient that they were the first one to ever sleep in this room and in this bed.  Now you would think that I would be excited, happy, and grateful.... nope!  I spent the entire time complaining about how this affected me!  How much longer and farther we had to walk, how our team is separated by having a desk in the front and back, and how much I disliked it.  This led to complaining about other employees, and well, it's all downhill from there! 

So, as my journey of thankfulness continues, I will purpose to stop complaining first!  Then I will purpose to continue recording what I am thankful for in my journal.  I have other "projects" in the works that I will write about later.  But for now, know that I am attempting to be intentionally thankful... with hopes that soon my mouth will abound with thankfulness and that my song will effortlessly, vibrantly flow from my lips and heart so that the enemy will have no choice but to fall back.

Linking with Darlene at Time-Warp Wife

Spilled Praise

At the suggestion of a friend, I listened to an incredible sermon by John Piper.   It was a sermon based on Psalm 145:4.  You can read it or listen to it here.  The verse is a simple command; One generation shall proclaim your works to another and declare your mighty acts.  Piper does an excellent job of explaining our responsibility as the "one generation".  He then delves into how we need to be infatuated with the Kingdom of God in order to be effective.  In other words, we aren't just teaching our children history, or even just HisStory. We are to model a burning, ravenous, all-consuming love for the Kingdom of God.  Our hearts should be so filled with the treasure of God himself, that it overflows out through our mouths (Luke 6:45). 

Piper had an amazing phrase that made my heart quicken... Spill over in praise to the next generation.... Words that God has had on my heart for some time (just not worded as well as Piper did!)! It goes hand in hand with the Deuteronomy mandate... I've been purposefully looking for ways to share with the kids God's goodness, specifically His goodness to me and our family. Ways to make God "real" and personal, not just a list of stories and facts...

Just this morning I was telling God how my head is usually swimming with thoughts....This is what I wrote in my prayer journal this morning:

Oh how slow I am to learn Lord!  I feel as if I have one of those brains that can't think beyond what is in front of me, which often means I'm not thinking about you!  How many opportunities have I missed to thank you, praise you, talk to you, ask you for help, meditate on your Word, (share you with others-namely my kids), etc.?  But Lord, how can I change this, especially so that my kids can see my good example more than my bad!  How can I "think" about you more so that my love for you flows out of the over-abundance of my heart and others may see it? Teach me.  Guide me.  Show me and help me! My head swims with thoughts of what needs to be done at home, in school, and work...the how to's and what to's and need to's of my life.  But, I want it to be swimming with the things you have told me, how great you are, and what is lovely, pure, and noble, etc....

I admit, I'm not as infatuated as I could/should be and that my other thoughts so often push thoughts of Him out. It is an area He and I have been working on.  So, with God's help, I will continue on my journey of thankfulness.  I'll continue to put good, namely God's Word, into my heart so that it becomes the treasure of my heart, and from the abundance of my heart, my mouth will speak.  (Luke 6:45).  I will rely on the Holy Spirit to continually renew my mind, to shift my focus, and to guide my heart.  I will continue to be purposefully looking for opportunities to share what He personally means to me, has done for me, has given me, and spoken to me, and loved me, and been good to me, and faithful to me, and how is is just absolutely wonderful and worth more than all I could ever give with my babies, and others.  I will do this as often as I can remember, and pray that God will continue to remind me more and more often.  I want my kids to see my love for Him and have no doubt that He is worth it!

 

Thankfulness Journey

Give thanks in all circumstances, 

for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

It is fitting that I was distracted when starting my thankfulness list. I wrote at the top of my page "Thankfulness Journey" instead of Thankfulness Journal, which was my original intent. However, I like the idea of this project being a "journey." The idea certainly was not original, just something I've "heard of" several people doing. But, it was an idea borne out of frustration with the constant, "Can we go/have/dos" and the "We never gets...." and the "But I don't haves..." that I feel like I'm constantly hearing. It seems like we leave one fun activity that was super fantastic, and they're already asking what's next, instead of lingering over how great that activity was. The "thank yous" are far and few between, without reminders, and I'm frustrated.

But then...perhaps I haven't been the best example. I've been feeling incredibly discontent with things in my life. While I do treasure the little things, and am grateful for them, and rarely forget my own manners, I have had a discontent spirit. My furniture is falling apart now, after many years of being used as a vault and mat, my floors still are not finished, my kitchen looks like a picture of something from the Brady Bunch, and we are struggling to put groceries on the table. What I tend to forget, is that God literally provided all our furniture, and we didn't pay a dime for it! I forget to be grateful that Hubby the Hero mops all my floors (and he's doing it now). I also forget that some of our most amazing memories come from that antiquated kitchen!

Not only have I struggled with discontentment in my "home" but also with the people in my life. Sure, they are all sinners and will let me down (and that is true of myself of course) but they are also blessings! My discontentment has spread to relationships! I shudder to think how dangerous this is! My dissatisfaction with my kids, my husband, and myself have led to dissatisfaction with my God. It is viral! It spreads like fire in a windstorm! And, it is so dangerous. And, I'm sorry! I'm sorry to my family and friends who have had to deal with my sour attitude. And, I'm sorry to God for allowing it to grow inside of me and affect my relationship with Him!

SO- the cure for this nasty virus.... I will be intentional and purposefully thankful. As I've told the kids, each day it gets harder to make that list, we need to be keeping our eyes open for opportunities to be thankful. What nice things have people done for us? What are things we don't like/enjoy and what about them can we be thankful for? For example I don't like washing dishes, but sure am thankful to have food! What can we learn about God from this? I've started two projects to help me be intentional. The first is, as you have already seen here, the list the kids and I are making together during our Bible study time. We will continue to daily list 5 things we are thankful for without repeating. If we list a person, it has to be followed by something specific that they have done to make us thankful. It is making it so that we have to pay attention during the day. The second project is to help remedy the dissatisfaction I have felt in my relationship with my husband. He truly is a guy most other wives would want! Other husbands should take notes.... but I've taken that for granted, and I want to remedy that. So, without saying more, just know that I'm working on that, and I will eventually share some details.

I'd love to know if you are interested in joining me in this journey. I'll email you the details of the project for Hubby if you like, and will probably "advertise" heavily about it when I'm done, but would love to have you join me on any part of this thankfulness journey.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of Jesus, 
giving thanks to God the Father through Him.  
Colossians 3:17

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good;
His love endures forever.
Psalm 118:1

I'm linking up here:

 

Feeling Inadequate

This weekend proved to be a doozy!  I ended up calling in sick for the first time in over a year!  It started out as one of those bugs you think you can push through and work through it... but ended up being a, "honey come rescue me off the bathroom floor," nightmare!  Thankfully, it seems like it was just a 24 hour bug!  I'm getting back to normal...

I know many of you are getting ready to start your school year, or have even just started.  I thought I'd share something I wrote several years ago.  I wrote this during the time that we were having our son tested and diagnosed with ADD/Gifted... I actually gave this at a talk for a small group.  I re-read it tonight, and thought some of you might find it encouraging.

Feeling Inadequate

When I was asked to speak here, I said, "sure," willingly, thinking no big deal this should be easy.  Then we started having some struggles with our oldest, and I became EXTREMELY discouraged.  I thought, Lord, I am not the right person to do this talk… right now I have nothing encouraging to say… Well, you know how God is! He worked in me through those struggles, and well, now to encourage you, I am going to talk about… being inadequate!  

Pretty much that’s what I find encouraging these days…the fact that I AM inadequate.  Well meaning loving friends tell me that I am quite adequate or FINE, but we all know we really aren’t.  Now that I have you all squirming in your seats about my backwards view of encouraging, I’d like you to take a moment to really ponder where you struggle the most with not feeling good enough.  Is it with cleaning your home? Being a mom? A wife?  Teaching your children? Anything else?  Really think about it.

LET’S PRAY 

Lord, please show us where we really don’t measure up.  Help us to be honest with ourselves about where we aren’t good enough.  Lord, please help us to place our confidence in you.  May you personally show each of these women where you fill in the gaps in their inability to measure up. And Lord, even though it may seem backwards, I pray that you’ll use each lady’s inadequacy to encourage them, and to help them have hope in You, and to glorify You!  We love you Lord, Amen.

Ok…so, that oldest child of mine that I alluded to…well, he’s been challenging since he could speak!  Strong willed, defiant, needing constant attention, talking without ceasing, know it all… Oh my!  He’s in 4^th grade now, and still not really able to do independent work…so, we had him tested, and it turns out…he really does know it all!  He’s gifted and ADD-fortunately, not the hyperactive type.  So- the entire week prior to and after the diagnosis I kept thinking…God why would you give me a kid who is smarter than me??? I can’t raise this kid! I can’t teach this kid!  While at this point, I may have more knowledge, I certainly won’t for long…not at the rate he reads! I can’t do this, I’m not ready, I don’t know how, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t!!!  I walked around for about a week and a half ready to give up the fight for my kid’s soul, thinking there is nothing I can do, because I’m not enough!

God really showed me how discouragement, and feeling inadequate, are a good beginning… God knows me.  He knows Bean Boy.  He knows what He’s given me and how He made me.  AND, despite how I feel, Bean Boy did not get switched at birth, nor did God make a mistake! So now what? Prayer!  And, relying on God’s promises.  I’m not sure which came first, but along the way God reminded me several things.  First, He said, “Kristy I know you; for I have created your inmost being, I knitted you together in your mother’s womb.”  In that same chapter (Psalm 139) He declares that He knows when I sit down and rise up, He discerns my thoughts from afar and before I utter a word, He knows it!  This isn’t a God who knows me from afar.  He knows me intimately…and He knows where I am in my walk with Him, and just how I need to be challenged, strengthened, stretched, and loved.  

I’ve learned over the years to pray about everything.  I mean EVERYTHING.  I guess I’m actually still learning…but God cares about the little things, so I talk to Him about them.  I’ve prayed about everything from schedules, to naps, to lunch, to patience, strength, faith, and the hearts of my children.  God has given me insight on the small things.  He says in His Word for me to cast all my anxieties on Him, because He cares for me.  I’ve heard many of you talk, and aren’t those the things that make us anxious?  Shouldn’t we pray about them too?  

A couple of years ago, we had a huge medieval feast for my son.  I spent months gathering decorations, sewing costumes, planning a traditional medieval meal, researching how to roast a hog, and even practicing with many chickens!  I bought shields (cardboard ones) and spray painted them gold.  I had asked a friend to paint the virtues we were learning on them, and said that just plain black was fine.  Well, I had the table set with real silver candle holders, real silver goblets, and as much gaudy silver and gold as I could find.  We had a throne for King Jesus, and I had decorated it with a red table cloth…it looked like a red backed throne!  When the shields arrived, I was amazed.  Theresa said that no paint would stick.  She tried several different kinds.  The only thing that would stick on my gold shields was silver glitter paint…it proclaimed valor, humility, teachable, honorable, etc. were our virtues!  And, on the shield that would sit on the throne…red glitter paint saying King of Kings!  Now- I know that in the scheme of things, all of that isn’t important.  I certainly did NOT pray about the letters and their colors…I was busy praying the hog would turn out edible, and that Baby T would behave (she was very sick that day). But I honestly did think about it quite a bit…that black really wasn’t going to look great… BUT- God KNEW!  HE KNEW!!! It was very important to me to have it all beautiful and magnificent and even matching.  I felt so loved, and was convinced that He cared about the little things!!! He discerns my thoughts from afar and before I utter a word, He knows it!  What kind of God is this?  What kind of love is this?  Not even my husband cared about the letters!!! Now I have more boldness in asking for even the little things.  Mentally make a list of what they are, and test Him…see if those things that seem little but are important to you, aren’t important to Him as well. God calls us His friends, and the little things are a HUGE part of our friendship with God…

The next thing I’ve learned through being inferior; is that it’s ok, because in my weakness He has been made strong.  There are just times when I can’t. I don’t have the words, the strength, or the wisdom.  I grapple with these feelings of inadequacy the most when I think about my children’s hearts and souls.  Oh how I long to be the mom with the right attitude, words, touches, and perfect sentiments all given at the perfect time… But, I’m not.  I’ve come to realize though, that even if I were the BEST mom out there, it still wouldn’t be enough!  My kids need the Holy Spirit working in them and working in me, more than they need me to be perfectly capable of handling everything.  There was this one time when I thought Bean Boy might be cheating on a spelling test…he just kept looking down and I thought that was weird.  When I questioned him saying, “What are you doing,” he said nothing, and we went on with the test.  I didn’t notice it again.  All tests were done in the same spiral notebook so I wouldn’t lose them… When the next week rolled around, and I had him go do a practice test, he came to me crying.  When he began to tell me why, I could feel my anger rising up, and began to pray (very unlike me by the way).  He confessed that he had indeed cheated on his last spelling test because he had never gotten all of them right and he really wanted to.  Somehow, the Holy Spirit overrode my fleshly desire to pummel him, and turned this into a moment neither one of us would forget.  I was able to say that he was forgiven.  I tore that spelling test out, which had been a reminder to him of his sin.  Then, I threw it away, and told him how when we confess our sins, they become like this paper and are thrown away and forgotten! 

-

Ladies…I must reiterate that I did NOT plan that ahead or come up with it on my own.  My short little prayer of “Lord, what do I do, help me not to kill him…” was enough for the Holy Spirit to take over in my weakness.  

I want to take this opportunity to say we aren’t perfect.  We aren’t all going to be like that person in our mind…you know the homeschool mom whose house is always picked up, kids are perfect, has a great husband, has all the fun during school…I think we all secretly have someone specific we are thinking of right now!  I have 2 and one of them is here tonight!!!  It’s ok if you’re not like that mom!  In fact, there’s no room for improvement when we are already perfect or perfectly competent… we are supposed to be in the process of sanctification- we are being made to shine, not already “shiny”!  There will be challenges this year in school.  Everything will not go according to plan.  Our kids, our husbands, our friends, and ourselves, will all let us down!  But God won’t.  Take time to pray. Pray about the BIG things. Pray about the SMALL things.  Trust Him.  He knows you. He loves you. He wants what is best for you.  Allow yourself to be weak so you can rely on Him more.  

One last thing… God is faithful.  Did you hear me?  HE IS FAITHFUL, and hope does not disappoint. There is a cycle of suffering here. We suffer in feeling inadequate…it is a painful feeling.  But, as we learn to pray and look to God, we learn He is faithful. We learn He is trustworthy, and we have a little more faith for the next time!  Record God’s faithfulness in your life, and look at the record or put special markings…Romans 5:4-5 Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. 

My feelings of inadequacy could really keep me down.  They are discouraging!  Until I remember, that this is an opportunity to see God work…and the work He is doing, is usually for me and in me…to make me more like Him, to bring me closer to Him, to strengthen me, and to glorify Himself.  And, well, as hard as it is I love Him all the more because of it.

In this time of challenge with my son, I would love to see God just totally redeem the situation…either by making me gifted and ADD too so I can understand him, or by making his brain normal.  BUT, I’m ok with the fact that instead, this is an opportunity for me to persevere and for God to produce character, for me to hope in Him, and for His faithfulness to be proved. While the outcome is certainly uncertain, I am already seeing Him do a work in me.  He is so good!

Stiff-necked

Sometimes it's really hard to explain just how in the world discipline can be a good thing!  But sometimes, God gives you insight that is just incredible... (or, in my case, He gives it to my hubby!)  The last several weeks have been a time of high intensity discipline for my son.  The results, as God has promised, have been good... and, it should be noted that their was high intensity love and compassion to go along with the discipline... At the height of the conflict, or maybe right at the breaking point, Hubby and my son had an interesting discussion.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace. Hebrews 12:11

First I should explain that for just under a year, I have been seeing a chiropractor.  I started at 3 times a week, and have backed down to 2 (most weeks).  We have "therapy" first where the muscles are loosened so that when Dr. Burke adjusts us, everything moves more readily back into alignment.  At first, Bean Boy, Baby T and I were the only patients.  Recently my husband and Little Bit have begun going as well. Hubby was very amused to sit back and watch.  He would giggle, ask a million questions (we wonder where Bean Boy gets this) and just really be an active observer.  But, when it came to be his turn...well, it was my turn to sit back and giggle!  He really does not like to be adjusted.  He complains, stiffens up, and later says things I can't repeat!  It is so funny!  Laying completely still makes him feel completely vulnerable.  Because he won't relax and lay still, the effectiveness of the therapy is lessened. He also won't go as often as recommended.  It makes Dr. Burke's job harder and it makes it take longer, with more repetition in order to achieve release and properly align the spine, and a longer course of therapy in general due to his less frequent visits.  Once he is properly aligned, he will agree that he can feel improvements, and apparently, they are good enough to keep going back for more.   

Back to the discussion at hand.... Hubby was able to use the analogy of the chiropractor to show how discipline is good.  He pointed out how Bean Boy has made far greater improvements than Hubby as far as his alignments go.  But, Bean Boy has been far more faithful to go, to do therapy at home, and to cooperate while there at the chiropractor.  Bean Boy has been far more willing to be vulnerable to Dr. Burke and to trust her with the work she does than Hubby has.  He just gets right up there on the table and lets her do her thing.  Hubby then explained that when we are "stiff-necked" and stubborn before authority, whether it be parents, a boss, or God, we are much like Hubby is at Dr. Burke's.  If we do not submit, allow ourselves to be vulnerable, and trust, we cannot see progress in our hearts.  However, when we trust our authority, submit and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, God is able to adjust our hearts, and it won't take as long, or be as painful. The only thing I have to add to this analogy, is that the therapy that keeps us "loose" and ready to be "aligned", is meditating on God's Word.  If we "hide His Word in our hearts"....we might not "sin against Him." Psalm 119:11 (my paraphrase). 

I'm afraid that sometimes, this analogy isn't just applicable to my son.... sometimes I resist God's therapy. I resist God's discipline in my life.  I won't trust Him. When I find myself under some sort of discipline, I find it especially difficult to submit, and am more likely to rebel.  I want to argue and stiffen up, and go before Him less and less.  Isn't that just like us?

My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of His reproof, for the Lord reproves those He loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.  Proverbs 3:11-12

Hubby and I will fail Bean Boy.  We won't discipline perfectly. We will make mistakes.  Not intentionally of course, but obviously, we don't have all the answers, can't see every situation perfectly, and can't truly judge his heart.  But our Heavenly Father has none of the limitations Hubby and I have.  He can see every situation and all sides of it.  He won't make mistakes and He does have all the answers.  His discipline for us is perfectly selected to adjust our hearts back into alignment with His will.  Isn't He good?

Weekly Wrap-up

Well, I told you about my crazy schedule earlier in the week.... 3 nights on, one night off, and one night on!!!  For those of you who have never worked night shift, it is the every other nights that really do you in.  Plus, I didn't have a full "normal" day until yesterday....and by 3:00, I was DONE!  Thankfully, hubby made dinner, and let me sit alone in my room with my computer.

Bean Boy
Bean Boy has had a difficult week too, learning really hard lessons.  I've turned over the discipline to my hubby.... it has been painful for Bean Boy, but the follow through has been something he has needed.  I guess the mommy in me has "given in" more than I'd care to admit. I will admit that I would have given in again!  BUT, the yes ma'ams have returned to his vocabulary, and there is a much sweeter spirit.  In fact, last night, after dinner, I very casually said to my husband that brownies would taste good.  I disappeared into my room for some alone time with my computer, and Bean Boy, unbeknownst to me, found a box of brownies and made them... just for me!!!!  That is the single most thoughtful thing he has EVER done for me!!! No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on however it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who are trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

Baby T
Baby T had an exciting week.... for her birthday back in May, we had asked people to give money to buy her a gym mat.  I've been waiting and waiting for her Aunt to help me (she's a gym coach) get the best mat for the best value....but she works night shift as a nurse too, and we never work the same schedule!  So, I finally manned up and picked one myself.  I showed it to Baby T on the internet, she wanted purple, and I wanted free shipping!  We both got what we wanted!  It was funny that when the box arrived no one (maybe Bean Boy) figured out what it was!  When they opened it, there was a lot of cheering! :) That makes me smile!!!  As if we didn't have non-stop gymnastics already!  At least I don't have to worry as much about their heads on the concrete floor!!!



Her rash has come back, so please pray for her.  This time it is not as extensive.  I'm thinking it is an allergy to sunscreen because we went swimming the day before it started, and it is only in places where we put sunscreen.... We may be seeing a dermatologist or allergist.

Little Bit
Poor sweet girl!  She woke up this morning at 0530 throwing up!  I'm not sure what this says about me, other than showing how selfish I am, but my first thought was....well, my date plans with hubby are ruined!  The girls were supposed to spend the night with a friend and Bean Boy with Grandma.  Of course, when I joined her in the bathroom, her first words, with tears in her eyes, were, "I won't be able to spend the night with [my friend]".  Like mother, like daughter!

Despite the working, and the sickness, we had a good week in school.  Bean Boy finished everything on his list (or will by the end of today).  The girls will have a sick day today.  Yesterday we went to the $2 summer movie and watched How to Train Your Dragon.  That's my favorite kids movie!!!  A little scary for Baby T, but it provided sweet snuggle time. 

Even with the illness, I am looking forward to having a weekend off.  It is probably the thing I miss most since I've started working...weekends. Don't take them for granted! :)

Thank you Lord for another week with my wonderful family.  Even though we have a sickie, I am looking forward to the weekend. Be with us and help us to make the most of our times together!

*Check it out, I've linked up with Kris at Weird Unsocialized Homeschoolers!

Trust

Ok.... the lessons God is teaching me from my wonderful child are never ending. I posted in a comment how "sneaky" it was of God to give me children in order to teach me about Him!  But you know, what a good way!  It is all so clear with my little mirrors running around all day disobeying, having attitudes, struggling with sin. They all point right back to me exposing the mess in my heart!  Ouch!  But, they are truly God's tool to sanctify me.  Thank you Lord for your wisdom.

Last night in our "big discussion" it was so brilliantly clear to me that the reason we have the attitude issues (my personal favorite... ugh), the arguing (running a close 2nd), and sly disobedience, is because this child does not trust me.  In his heart, he has accused me of not having his best interest in mind and of serving myself first and, probably, only.  It is because he judges in his heart only with what his eyes can see.  He can't see that while yes, I have asked him to do chores, help with messes he didn't make, be loving to the difficult to love, serve others, etc., I am doing that too. He can't see that I have never asked him to do anything that I wouldn't do myself.  He can't see that my going to work, home schooling, maintaining the home, driving him all over town for functions, etc. is a constant sacrifice of myself and my wants.  He doesn't see that in this home, I am the servant. He can't realize that sometimes I answer him quickly because I have more information than he does, and that he might not be privy to that information... and furthermore, that it is well within my right because of my God-given authority to with hold that information should I see fit.  He just doesn't trust me! (Perhaps that is my fault...but that will be for another post).

Enter here, that mirror.... I can't see that God has all the information, has my bests interests at heart, etc. I can't/won't see that because I'm constantly looking at what's in front of me.  If I trusted God, I wouldn't need all the information.  I could just obey peacefully, because I know He came to serve not to be served.  It is just so much easier to trust what is right here, right now.

I'd like to know how to get to the place where I'm at least as good as Peter... where I can walk on water because I've kept my eyes on Him. I want to get to the place where I am secure enough in who He is, that the storms around me aren't evident because I'm basking in his light.  If I could simply obey and focus on Him... He is good. He is faithful. He is trustworthy.  I want to live like I believe that. I also want to live in a way that my kiddo believes those things are true of me.

Here I am again at the end of another post, and all I can say again is, thank you Lord! Thank you for the 3 wonderful sanctifying mirrors you've given me.  Thank you for patiently teaching me about you. Thank you for teaching me to trust you, to know you, to love you.  It is all from you. You are good and loving and wonderful!  Lord, save me!

Matthew 14:29-30 He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.”

Mercy Muscles

Lamentations 3:22-23  The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

 

I am a sinner.  A big, fat hypocrite.  I need grace.  I need mercy.  I need love.  Without God to supply these, I am nothing but a constant failure!  As a parent, I fail daily.  I am constantly challenged by one of my children, and daily I fail.  I lose my patience, don't listen, nag, argue, yell, get angry, lose my temper, etc.  

Just today I LOST IT with this particular child.  Now, his act was grievous and against someone smaller, but certainly I could have responded better!  I was already angry at this child for poking along when others were waiting, and for basically telling me "no" when I asked him to do something....Oh, I was HOT!  I was still angry at him for the way he treated me yesterday too!!!  I think all of these things were thrown into the mix of frustration when I lost it with him.... not to mention the constant friction and frustration  with circumstances in our life right now.... (no excuses here, I'm guilty).  

In speaking with him later, I reminded him that sometimes we have to give up the right to be right.  Let it go.  Let go the need to have the last word.  I reminded him that we have to practice grace and mercy.  They don't come naturally, but are expected from God.  It is an exercise that we must perform daily, and sometimes several times a day.  I think we as Christians often think that we just are these things.  We are full of grace and mercy... but that's just not true.  Christ certainly was, but not us.  We have it available to us through the Holy Spirit, but mercy, grace, love, faith, are all action words that we must do.  In order to do it well, we must exercise those "love muscles" or "mercy muscles".  And, unfortunately, it is a repetitive exercise!  

How often are you able to "lecture" one of your children and not have it come back to bite you in the rear?  For me, it is not often.  I have not been practicing mercy for this child.  I have not had new mercies every morning.  Instead, I have kept a record of wrongs on hand to remind me just how challenging this child can be.  I have not been practicing godly love toward this child either.  I've gotten out of practice and need to continue building up my "mercy and love muscles".  Fortunately, God gave me this child, so I would have many opportunities for more "reps"!  

Thankfully, God's love and mercy muscles are built up as much as they can be!  He is never fatigued, never weak, never out of practice.  In fact, daily His mercy muscles are re-energized and ready to show me mercy again and again!   That works out nicely for me since I mess up so frequently! ;)  His love and mercy never run out!  Oh Thank you Lord!  I do not deserve it, but am so grateful! May I be a living example of your grace and mercy, especially to my children!!!

Compassion

You'll have to bear with me as I struggle to format my blog... I'm not gifted in this area, and as I recently told friends, I wish one of my children would become a techy so I don't have to learn!!!

This week my youngest daughter, Baby T, got a horrible rash.  I mean, from her hairline to the bottoms of her feet were covered...possibly under her hair.  My son, Bean Boy, kept calling her lizard girl.  He had her convinced she would turn into a lizard, and we would keep her for a pet!!!  Oh my word! It was hysterical...we all joined in and talked about how we would put her in a special aquarium so she wouldn't get squished!  She said she was going to crawl into Bean Boy's shorts and bite his hiney!  We were cracking up!!!!  It was a very wonderful snuggle moment in the midst of a not-so-fun situation!

But, the nastiness of her rash and the discomfort she is experiencing because of it, mingled in with probably the craziest 2 weeks of our year so far, has really provided some God-given teaching moments...for us all!  As we were in the car (we spent most of today there!) Baby T was really struggling with the itching.  She was whining, crying, and wriggling all around.  Oh, my sweet baby!  Then Bean Boy really started to get irritated...and while I admit it was annoying, and frustrating, I remembered all that God had taught me about compassion the year before.  It's so hard to set aside our annoyances and think about that other person first...but that sure is what God has done for us!  He has forgotten all the times I was too embarrassed to mention Him, or didn't obey His Word, or just really shown myself, and He has loved me anyway! He's remembered me in my misery, and why shouldn't I do that for others...perhaps starting with my own kiddos.  So, I reminded Bean Boy of how miserable 1 single bug-bite is.  And said, let's imagine that all over our bodies, and put forth a little effort into being compassionate.... the effect was an abundance of tears and a, "Can't we do anything else to help her?"  Oh sweet children!  Friends, sometimes the problem is so big all we can do is PRAY!  And in our prayers thank Him for the misery that leads to new, cleaned-up hearts! 

Thank you Lord for your constant compassion, and that your mercies are new every morning!  Help me not to run out of mercies with my children!!!