So, my life isn't exactly what I wanted it to be. Things are turning out totally different than my wildest imagination would have imagined! I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom, to homeschool my kids, and to be the best wife ever.... It seems, God had other plans. I continue to hope that He'll grant me the desires of my heart, or at least, align those desires with His plans. In the meantime, I'm content to learn what He's teaching me...even when I don't like the lessons!
Right this moment, I'm learning how to put my hubby first. I've certainly not made the best wife ever list, but now am seeing how I can be his helper. Our life has not been a normal life. He had his own business for a while, went to school, more of the same business, now he's in school again. It is a wild journey, and as he pointed out, we've been on some pretty scary and uncharted waters. I'd like to think that on the outside I was fairly supported...even if I had those inward "You're crazy" thoughts! We've sold a house in hopes of going into missions long term...China was our location! We've created 5 year plans to build our dream home, and canceled them in order for him to go back to school.
It's never been difficult to see how we compliment each other. This probably due to the fact, that we are opposites to the core. Even down to I'm short and he's tall! Our strengths are compliments and when you put the two together it makes a good one.... well, sorta! Our sin of course gets in the way of that. Sometimes, you know, when I'm having a bad day, his weaknesses really irritate me, and I'm frustrated that he's not more like me. Those weaknesses often get in the way of my success! Hmph!
But lately, God has been giving me a different vision. Surprisingly it is one I'm ok with... How does He do that? Right now, is not about my success. It is about hubby's success. Me being a helpmeet, means finding out how to make him more successful. What is really weird about the whole thing, is that I actually find it fulfilling! Even in the midst of our currently crazy, survival mode, I am putting forth effort to think ahead for him as much as I do me. Little things I wouldn't have considered doing before, because those are his things, are things I'm longing to do now! Of course, it's a work in progress, and I often regress to the "I'm tired, I worked all night, I don't want to, you do it" attitude....
Thank you Lord, that you continue to make me shinier, that you put up with my sin, that you forgive me, and that you give me a husband that does all these things for me too!!! It just makes me think that when you Delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart.... Ps. 37:4